One Week Review

It's been a week since Spazz left us.  I find myself going through similar emotions as I did when my grandmother passed.  The 5 phases of death, if you will.  Even for a cat.  It's amazing how much difference one little kitty can make in a household.

He was an under foot cat.  Always there, even when he was in the way.  Didn't matter how many times I stepped on him, he stayed under my feet.  When I was cooking, when I was washing dishes, while I sat at my computer.  15 years of looking down before I move is a hard habit to break and I'm still caught off guard when I look down and he's not there.

If I had to put a positive emotion on his death, the only thing I have come up with, aside from his no longer suffering, is the lack of worry.  I never realized how much I worried about him while I was gone.  I'll catch myself thinking about him, the habit of worrying about him, and realize there is no longer any need.  That brings first relief, then sadness.

It's the absence of him that hurts the most.  I guess that's true of anything or anyone we have loved and lost.