Happy New Year And Other Stoof!

At midnight tonight, I will be answering phone calls relating to gunshots being fired and fireworks being shot off. I will get a LOT of calls, in fact. Lots of people out acting crazy on this night. To my family and friends who may or may not read this... be careful. Don't drink and drive. The cops will be out in droves and they are just waiting for that one little swerve as an excuse to pull you over. They make it a game between themselves on nights like tonight to see who can get the most DWIs. Trust me. They do things like this. To my children!!!: Don't put yourself in a bad situation. Call me, call me, call me. Doesn't matter that I'll be at work. I will find you a ride home. Be smart. And be alert to the ones who choose to go ahead and spin that wheel on the revolver. Unfortunately, though, the shot usually goes awry and an 8 year old girl loses both of her parents instead. It's just not worth it folks. Be safe tonight.

***

My mom sent me the most beautiful birthday card. I felt I needed to share it because it touched me so:

How to Make a Beautiful Life (Reflections For a Daughter On Her Birthday)

Love Yourself.
MAKE PEACE with who you are
and where you are
at this moment in time.

Listen to you heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying
in this noisy world,
MAKE TIME for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.
Take chances.
MAKE MISTAKES.
Life can be messy
and confusing at times,
but it's also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path
might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.
When you don't have what you want,
want what you have.
MAKE DO.
That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY(SHADE).
To know where you're going
is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn't days and years.
It's what you do with time
and with all the goodness and grace
that's inside you.
MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...
The kind of life you deserve.

There is no authors signature attached with this card, but it's from Hallmark. It is made so you can hang it up. Plan on doing just that.

***

Happy New Year, ya'll. May peace and love follow you through another year.

Today I am 40!

And with a loud drum roll, followed by a cymbal crash, please...

I'm 40. I am 40. I. Am. Forty. Years. Old. I know that saying it more doesn't make it any less true, but I'm still trying it on, so cut me some slack today.

Is being 40 twice as good as being 20? Don't know yet. When I turned 20, I was 6 months pregnant... don't have to worry bout that this year. When I was 20 I was married. No chance of that happening this year either. When I was 20 I had a son who was just about to turn 2 years old. Being 6 months pregnant, I wasn't skinny when I was 20. At 20, my marriage was long past the point of being over.

Now that I am 40. My children are grown and moved out of the house. I'm still not skinny. Gravity and gray hair are my worst nemesis. I never remarried. Still don't own my own home. I am not a grandmother. I have a job I like very much... working on my 14th year there. I have no retirement, though. (Loooooooooooooooong story) But I have no debt. I could pick up right now and leave and only owe utilities... and a good explanation to my kids why I'm leaving. But I'm not leaving. Not yet. This 40th year will be a year of changes. Of getting stuff done. On starting the rest of my life. Tonight at midnight, I will officially be a non-smoker. Tomorrows post should be entertaining, if I can muster up the jolly good cheer to even face my computer.

Being 40 for about 8 hours now, I am thankful for so many things. I'm thankful I lived to see 40 to see my children all grown up and adult-like, although they will always and forever be 3 in my eyes. I got to experience being an aunt, seeing my brothers marry well and I am thankful I still have my parents here with me along with my grandmother of almost 104.

I am happier than I was at 20. I am much, much, MUCH wiser. I've been up, I've been way down but for the most part, I can, at 40, look in the mirror and say I kind of like that gal. She's not so bad, really.

20 things about being 40.

1. I am more inclined to tell people to shut up.
2. Thinking about death is the new thinking about nothing much.
3. When my boss asks when I can get something done, I feel more free to say, "How 'bout never? Is never good for you?"
4. I am less certain about things then I use to be.
5. I argue with the TV. I always win.
6. It's hardly ever quiet enough.
7. It can be too quiet.
8. My joints are more accurate then the meteorologists.
9. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
10. I can eat dinner at 4pm.
11. "I'm eating ice cream at 8am because I CAN!"
12. Me and Ms. Clairol are best friends.
13. I can finally sit in a room full of adults and understand the conversations now.
14. I now have a valid excuse for forgetting things.
15. I actually LIKE going to work.
16. Staying home is just more appealing then going out.
17. Naps are goooood.
18. I can never be too warm in the winter, or too cool in the summer.
19. I actually WANT to save money now.
20. I am going to die sooner then ever.

Charlie...

I can't think of anything that sounds more odd than a child with an English accent, and I can't quit watching this video. It's hilarious to watch this kid's face when he's discovered he's placed his finger in a place he probably never will again. tee hee

Charlie bit him!

True Love

And It's Over...

And as fast as it got here, it got over with even faster.

Christmas aftermath:

Cricket standing tall and proud in her mess:

Libby had been into the catnip, but she thinks Christmas is greeeeeat:

And here's my Christmas Ficus:


Family:

My dad and his fish:

Mom and brother:

Son and daughter:

My niece, a Christmas kitten, and a pink tent in the living room:


Loot: Garbage Disposal, Super cool Microwave, ceramic heater for my feetsies, warm slippers, also for my feetsies, a really cool mirror that will need a very special place, humongous coffee mugs, getting to hug my brother after not seeing him in over a year and seeing one of my nephews and my sister-in-law, sitting next to my grandmother who asked me if I realized how old she was going to be in less than a month and I told her, "yes, 104". And she said, "When I was a hundred and three, I said whoopie, when I'm a hundred and four, I'm saying no more." And someone promptly responded with, "and when you are a hundred and five you can say, I'm still alive!" Coming home and seeing a new bunny friend hopping around my yard, time and lots of laughter with my kids, lots of hugs from lots of friends, good food... and some kind of icky sick that's going around my work that at least 5 of us are currently experiencing.

In other news...

I got my kitten to "fetch" 4 times in a row on xmas day while not sleeping and feeling ill. I use the term, fetch, loosely here, only because cats do what they WANT to do, and almost always NEVER what YOU want them to. I've never been one to train my cats to do anything aside from poo and pee in a litter box. And with cats, it's almost always a one time showing even at a very early age and they are cool with it. I've often thought of actually doing the whole "toilet" training thing, but as I'm sure you have heard me say before, I'm lazy and that just would take a lot of work. I spend more time trying to train my cats on things NOT to do. Like scratching on furniture (which they are actually really good at on everything except my mattress. But that's okay and for the most part I let them get away with it because my ex-boyfriend bought me that bed after he left me and I get some type of sick satisfaction as my kitties take out my projected anger on the bed) I spend a lot of time saying "Get out of there!" because they are all oh so good at getting into there... boxes, baskets, closets, top of closets, kitchen cabinets, tops of doors, IN the furniture, in the Ficus, drinking from the toilet... and other various odd places.

Each of my kitties has had a favorite toy when they were a kitten. Spazz loves strings, but he's one of these that likes to hide behind something and will only attack when the string is going back and forth almost in a whipping motion. My dad started him on that. He made this toy with a wooden stick and a thick string on the end and would get Spazz so wound up we would have to make my dad stop because Spazz would be laying on the floor panting. He liked the little mice covered in rabbit fur, too, but he was always chewing the tails off. Jynxy's favorite toy was a rabbit's foot. He carried and played with that thing until not much was left of it aside from bones and a bit of fur. I think he has some deep seated anger because he really likes to tear stuff up. And he sits and sharpens his claws like he can't wait to go find something to shred. Seriously, though... he DOES sit and sharpen his claws. I've never seen a cat sit and do that before. And he HAS some awesomely sharp claws. Anyway, he grew up and quit playing with the foot and I finally threw it away. Libby's favorite toy was a piece off of another toy. It is this gray fuzzy thing and it had a string that once attached it to something else and it had a little jingle bell that got stepped on so it didn't jingle any more and a small patch of fringed ribbon on the other end. She actually played with this toy until Cricket came along and made it her favorite toy and proceeded to rip off the string with the squished bell and all of the fringe where it was just an oval fuzzy gray thingy. Now it's an okay toy for when we can't find anything else to do. Cricket's new favorite toy is this little white mouse that has seen much better days.

I have several variations of mice made of different materials and colors, but this one is the best for some reason. One day I threw that mouse across the room while playing with Cricket and she kept coming back to me for me to throw it again but I would always have to get up and keep getting it myself. Remember... I'm lazy. So the game would not last very long. So one day she brought it back after catching it mid-flight. And so on Xmas, I think the idea has finally caught on that the game will last a lot longer if The Mommy doesn't have to get her fat rump off her computer chair. Right now our play room, as I'm sure you gathered from the pictures, is a disaster area and until I get some sleep, it's going to stay that way. But we will be practicing and I will let you know how it goes.

Two days off to look forward to. I'll be in bed covered in warm blankets and cats if you're looking for me.

4 days...

The Prayer... for you, and you, and you...

THE PRAYER

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!!

Just got home from work and I'm having a quick cup 'o joe before facing shopping hell on the day before Christmas. I don't have much to buy because you can't buy much without much money, but I have to get out there anyway... much.

This evening will entail a yearly trip to Celebration Fellowship Church for their Christmas program, which I look forward to every year. Tissues are always a must.

This year, my Christmas memories so far will include some very heartfelt, deep conversation with two people that I consider very dear friends even though I have not known either a very long time. They have described for me a side of myself I don't or can't see with my own eyes and their kind words I will take with me over the next two days and hold dear to my heart as I enjoy the true meaning of the Christmas Spirit.

For any who read, Merry Christmas and I hope the next two days are filled with family, love, merriment, good food, laughter and joy for you.

And just in case you don't know how to wrap a present, I leave you with this video because a) it's hilarious b) the ending is hilarious c) it's Christmas and I have to get out and go shopping and it's the funniest video I could find in a rush, but worth the find.

Love you ALL!!!!!!

The Men In My Life

I started thinking (which can be dangerous even though I'm a deep thoughtful person on a regular basis) about couples and what it's like to live with a significant other and how much work is involved and etc., etc. And I counted up the years of my life that I have spent living with a man. The total is about 7 years, give or take a few months. I've only been married once and 4 years of that 7 were with him. I don't take living with someone lightly because I know that it takes a lot of work and there have only been 3 men in my life that I trusted enough with my kids to allow them a space in my home and my heart.

Anyway... what prompted this post was a video that is an accurate re-enactment of a small part of what it is like to live with a man, which may explain why there have only been 7 years of my life dedicated to living with someone of the opposite sex.

Maybe I identified more with this video because at the beginning he says he calls out for her... "Laura, Laura..." Makes me think I'll be happily single for the rest of my life to never have to hear that "man whine" again. :-)

Been Taking Some Time Off

Haven't had it in me to write the last week or so. I'm actually having a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything, really. I find myself staring at the dust particles in a beam of sunlight with no thoughts in my head, aside from random things that don't look good on paper.

This Christmas season has not been what I thought it would be. I decided early on that I wasn't going to put up a tree... and I haven't. I did decorate my fake ficus, though. But I've left all the other decorations in storage because the later it gets, the point to dragging it all out becomes less important.

Today is the 16th, which leaves me with 14 days to B day and Q day. I'm starting to freak out about both. Starting? Yeah. I can say I have been successful in not stressing about turning 40. My mind is so wrapped up in the quitting smoking thing, that I haven't even really thought about it too much. Which was my intention all along. I'm sure there's some psychological explanation that could make me understand why I feel as if I won't be able to identify with who I am once I quit smoking. I've heard similar incidences when someone loses a lot of weight. One thing is for sure... it's past time to start doing some research on the subject. And while we are on the subject of quitting... I bought my last cigarettes last night. That in itself was a glorious achievement. Knowing when I went in... this is the last time. It was... liberating. I'm hoping for much more liberation before and after it gets here, though.

I got a letter from the IRS a couple of days ago. As did my son. Seems we double dipped in the exemption pot. Taxes were easier when my kids were under 18. Now I have to go back, make corrections, probably lose any and all of my refund for this year and pray I don't go to jail for tax evasion. Pretty soon I'll get to start using the old saying, "picked a bad day to quit smoking".

14 days...

Foggy Tuesday Morning

About two weeks ago my mom gave me a couple of homemade CDs to listen to. She's emailed me a couple of times asking what I thought of the music, and I just haven't had the chance to sit down and listen to them. This morning, as I sit at my computer, the music of love and spirit is surrounding me and my tired soul that has been dragging for the past couple of days, weeks, months...has lifted with this gift that my mother made for me.

I don't tell you I love you enough, mom... and I hope you know how much I do.

Thank you.

Friends

I don't have a lot of friends. But maybe my definition of a friend is different than yours. Sure, there are a lot of folks out there that I generally like and enjoy the time that I do spend with them, but they don't really know me because, one, I haven't had a chance to really get to know them, or two, I like them okay and am cordial because that's just the right thing to do but I'm wary in sharing personal details about myself. All relationships are unique, whether it be a friendship, an intimate and or romantic relationship or even a business partnership. The common denominator in relationships is that they take work from both parties to survive time. Those that I consider my closest friends are there because they took the time to get to know me and understand me and gave of themselves as well. Plus they understand me enough to know that just because I don't call, doesn't mean I'm mad, or upset or anything like that. I'm just lazy when it comes to my friendships. I don't wanna do any work. Which, in turn, limits the number of people that stick around for the long run and love me just the way I am and know that I love them back. For example... I have a friend that lives in Reno, Nevada. She moved there... years ago. Can't remember how long ago. Many years. 6, 8, 10... something like that. We rarely ever talk on the phone. Maybe once every other year. But when we do... it's like a day hasn't gone by since the last time we talked. I will always consider her one of my best friends. It's a lifetime deal, no matter time or distance.

I actually think I had a point to this post, yet I've been sitting here for 15 minutes watching it rain and have totally lost my thought.

I think what I needed to say all around was... I had a very good opportunity to meet up with a group of real friends yesterday and I was unable to because of stupid financial reasons. It was just one of those things that hit at the wrong time. It made me very sad to miss seeing them, but I know in my heart another opportunity will arise. I may get ragged on for skipping out for a while, but that's okay. I know they love me for who I am and I love them all back.

12 hour shift today... 12 hour shift tomorrow...

21 days...

Summer Days...

Are here again. Currently 83 degrees outside. I just got back from the store and I just put most everything up, and I had to sit down because I'm sweating my patooty off. Got my shorts on, summer shirt and my hair is braided and out of my face. I'm STILL hot. Sometime today I will have to lay down before going into work. This is going to require me to turn on the air conditioner since I can't stand being hot when I sleep. And I was so proud of my $45 electric bill this month!

This time change stuff is still messing with my head. This morning, my phone rings and I wake up and my clock says it's 730. I have no idea what day it is... if it's morning or night, if I was suppose to be at work... total confusion. Finally I remembered my son was needing to come by early in the morning to print some stuff off for before school and it was him that was calling. Then, when I did finally realize what day and time it was, I was still baffled that it was already Friday and that I had to go to work tonight. Got nothing done again on this weekend. No, I take that back... I DID go to the store. I've been needing to that for weeks now. I still don't feel I'm as stocked up as I would like to be, but every little step counts. So Merry Christmas to me, because that's what I'm getting myself this year. Groceries. It's just about 330pm and I still have the rest of the day to get a few things done before work week starts.

If you ever shop at Target and are in need of some bottled water, might I suggest Archer Farms Natural Spring Water. The water's source is listed as The Kisatchie Spring, Webster Parish, LA. I googled that. Couldn't find dittely squat on it. I found Kisatchie state park, but it's not located in Webster Parish. No where in all the stuff I just looked at did it make mention of any spring in the area. So this leads me to believe one of two things. It's either not a for real spring or it's not a famous one. Doesn't matter, really... I'm suggesting the water because its of a decent price and I really, really like the way it tastes. It goes down with no icky aftertaste and its refreshing. I use to drink Evian for EVER. This stuff has Evian beat by a mile as far as taste goes.

Looks like the kids are getting out of school. I am off to practice my Crazy Cat Lady existence by being a stereotypical crazy cat lady. I think I'll go dig randomly in my yard since the kids like to walk through it every day. Maybe I'll mumble loud enough to be heard by young ears about how "I just MUST find Mittens... I know I left her here the other day..." Then sharply turn around and ask the poor kid if he's seen Fluffy. Yeah... I think I need a new hobby now that I think about it...

My Little Bunny Friend

Right now it is 42 degrees outside. Our high today should get up to around 64. Friday's high is expected to be 80. Texas weather is CRAZY. Seriously the only place on earth where you use both a heater and an air conditioner on the same day, several times a year. Okay, I'm sure there are other places, but I've never lived there, so they don't exist for me.

I've taken a couple of days off from writing my senseless blog. As have a lot of bloggers who were doing the NaBloPoMo thing. Not much reading online lately.

I have plans today of pulling out my Christmas decorations and going crazy... but I have found I don't really care one way or another if I'm all decorated up or not. I have finally started listening to Christmas music to try and get me in a Xmas mood or something, but I've only been listening for a couple of days, so it really hasn't sunk in yet. I can't say I'm really in a bah humbug mood or anything... just unenthusiastic about it all, I guess. I can remember a time in the recent past where I LOVED this season and all that it brought out in people, and the music and the pretty sparkley things and the lights!!! But with my finances the way they are, the only giving I'm doing this year is to the bill collectors. And that makes me kind of sad. Yes, I know about the true spirit of Christmas and what it really means and I'm all hip to that and totally enjoy spending time with my family far above any gifts I may receive... but still... you know?

My cats are already starting to get cabin fever and it's not even halfway through the cold season, yet. Libby is constantly picking on Jynx and making him cry and run away like a girl. Jynx is constantly picking on Spazz and when Jynx isn't looking, Spazz sneaks up and picks on Jynxy. Cricket is picking on everyone and I can't keep her from climbing on stuff and getting into things she shouldn't. Jynx and Cricket both have this internal drive to get into, and climb on top of, everything. Must be the stripes in them, I think. I'm curious what part of their kitty DNA makes them this way. They all got used to me coming home, or waking up and opening the back door for them to watch the birds and other creatures of the day and night on the back porch... which is as close as they come to actually being outside. I give them time to be out there, but I have to shut the door because it takes forever to warm up the house again once it's been cooled off by outside air. But they like to run in and out which, for some reason, is part of the fun of being out there, and now they have to make a choice. So they get about 15 minutes of "outside" time a day because when they are out there, they get cold, too and want to come in... going to be a long winter.

I think the last of my bunnies that lived here with me has met his demise via car. This happened last week, but I was too torn up over it to blog about it. I woke up early, like I did this morning, and got to my computer and opened my blinds so I could watch the traffic as I typed. I noticed the little thing hanging out in the middle of the street and was hoping he wouldn't get hit. After he didn't move from his spot for a while, I went outside and approached him and it was very apparent that he had been hit, yet not killed, and was unable to remove himself from the roadway. So I very carefully picked him up and moved him into my yard onto the grass. He was very alert and very tolerant of me as I sat next to him and petted his little head as he laid there waiting to die. I made him as comfortable as possible and went inside and cried for him. I could blame the drivers who don't pay attention to the road like they should. I know I'VE never hit a bunny, a squirrel or any other animal for that matter while driving. I pay attention. But I have seen these animals seriously jump out from the dark side of the roadway into the path of an oncoming car without notice and I know there are times when there is nothing you can do. But it makes me wish I lived on a street with no traffic at all. In a place where people don't drive cars and kill small animals.
Bunny Says Goodbye:

Rest in peace, my little friend. I hope you were happy while you lived here. I tried to give you treats you would like and me and my kitties always liked watching you and talking to you. I never got to pet you until you were dying, but you let me sit with you while you munched on yummy grass and ate the treats I set out for you. You brought peace inside of me while we sat outside together.

10 Things That Disturb Me...

1. That white flaky milk crisp that forms in the area of the opening of a milk jug/carton/bottle.

2. Turning 40.

3. People who talk to themselves in public.

4. Those big black balls of burnt crap that develop at the top of the wick on a candle after burning it a while.

5. Being in a public restroom and listening to someone else pee.

6. The mall.

7. That one hair that grows from my collarbone that has no pigment and can only be seen in sunlight, at just the right angle, and only after it has grown to be about 3 inches long.

8. Guns.

9. My obsession with Roller Coaster Tycoon.

10. Quiting smoking.

Blow Me Away

Never open you front door to let in the breeze (straight-line winds)until you pick up the pile of mail you sorted last night, yet left on the coffee table. Remember the computer paper? This house sits just right to maximize ventilation.

My son has a concert today at 1pm. They are playing at some music festival. I will be there long enough to see him play and say hey to him after they are done. If anyone that reads this in time wants to go, let me know. Or show up. Its at Dreamworld Music Complex, 3102 W. Division Street in Arlington. Tickets are $18.00 (I think). This is a music festival, so there will be bands playing all day... just so you get your money's worth. If you would like to hear a sampling, Sinclaire

30 Days...

Last Day of NaPalmBloUpMe

Welp. The day is finally here. Last day that I HAVE to post. (doing little dance in my chair right now) Tweren't so bad as I thought it would be.

December is upon us and it is time for me to decorate. I don't believe I will be putting lights upon my house this year. Unless I can con a man to do it for me. I'll keep you informed. But I will spruce up the inside with Christmas cheer where I can. Maybe after I post this, I'll go pull out all the stuff. Then probably get a case of the bah-humbugs and put it all back.

31 days and beginning to count down now...

Yesterday

Had a really good evening yesterday. I watched the Season Finale of Dancing With The Stars (on ABC.com) and a very good friend and I ate pumpkin pie and drank hot cocoa. Mine had marshmallows in it. Sometimes I forget how well this man knows me, yet he always seems to find a way to remind me.

Oh, and J, when you read this... bottom right hand without a visual marker, and in the "O".

Made a special trip to Market Street where my son works to go over some insurance paperwork he had received and while I was there I picked up a few things. One of which was some artichoke heart chicken salad that their deli makes. It is, quite simply, to die for. Lunch was scrumptious.

Going to be a lazy evening tonight. I'm looking forward to it.

The Joys of Christmas Past

Looks like I missed another post yesterday. I actually didn't even know I had missed it until I logged on this morning. Sorry about that. I suppose I'll double post again today to make it up to all of you! Yeah, it WOULD be better if I actually had something interesting to say, but I don't.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had hooked up my old hard drive and had been digging in that a while back. Well... I dug in it a little more yesterday and all of the old photos I thought I had somehow not copied over from my other computer, I found. It brought back some interesting memories and feelings.

Some of the pictures I found are of Christmas, 2003. This was a Christmas that was kind of a big deal to me, even though it was 4 years ago. It's hard for me to imagine that it's been 4 years already...

In November of 2002, the love of my life and I decided to move in together. Seeing as how I had been divorced since 1990, this was a huge step for me. For years, my family would have Christmas at one of the family's homes so that one person didn't have to stress about it year after year. After Christmas 2002, and since I now had a family of my own, I decided that Christmas of 2003 was going to be mine.

I hadn't remembered much from that Christmas that I hosted... until I found these photos. It brought back memories of how it felt to live with S. and how absolutely in love with that man I was. I smiled fondly looking upon the pictures of my dining room before I had completed the remodel, yet not long after I decided I couldn't stand the way the dining room wallpaper looked ANY MORE! Which is why the drywall is prevalent in some of these photos. Why I thought I could finish the remodel before Christmas arrived, I still don't understand. And it actually didn't get finished for a while, since 7 days after I hosted my first family Christmas, my world pretty much blew apart. Possibly the main reason I don't remember this Christmas very well. Of course, looking at the horrendous dining room, no wonder S. left me.

I remember that Jynxy had just come into the family, so he was still a kitten. I remember the disaster that was my crock-pot hot chocolate. I remember how happy I was that day. I remember how perfect everything felt.

For those that may not know, I did eventually crawl out of my hole and finish the kitchen. I'm adding some photos of the finished product just to show you that no matter how much we may not want it to, the world keeps moving on. I really miss my dining room / kitchen.

My Son And My Niece:


Spazz And Jynx On The Christmas Table:


My Grandmother Not Long After She Broke Her Hip (This was the only time I have ever seen her in a wheel chair. She will be 104 in January and still walks upright)And My Dad:


The Christmas Table And The Drywall (Note the over abundant cat accessories pushed under the table):


My Mom With A Background Of The Beginnings Of The Texture Process I Had Started:


My Sister-In-Law And My Niece:


The Finished Product:

Day 27 of BloMeNaPo

After 27 days of trying to come up with something to say that someone might be interested in reading, I've come to the conclusion that there is no point to this whole post every day for an entire month. Unless you are into stressing out or are overly competitive. I'm not into either. But come round next year if I still have this blog up and running, I'll do it again. Not sure why. I didn't really learn anything other then I'm able to babble on about absolutely nothing day in and day out. I think if I had someone who I lived with that I could work off of... you know... a daily insult of my significant other, what he did that was stupid that day... or a 5 year old. But I don't. Just my cats. And me. Can't really talk about work. Nothing interesting there happening anyway, unless you count the gossip and the he said / she said stuff. But I'm of the opinion that stuff like that should stay behind closed doors.

December will start my Xmas countdown and the last cigarette countdown. Both of which should make for at least a bit of semi-entertainment in the blog. And after the last smoke, which I will probably share in great detail, we have the withdrawal blog posts. I KNOW you are all excited about those.

Now go tell someone that you love, that you love them.

The Cowboys

I got a suggestion in my email for a blog topic. "How great the Cowboys are".

I googled 'the cowboys' and got a bunch of responses for a John Wayne movie.

I know nothing of the Cowboys this year. Except I think they have more wins then losses so far. So... Go Cowboys!

Can you tell I'm a big football watcher?

Yeah... I'm really not.

But I do like pizza. Not that there is much in common with pizza and the Cowboys except maybe more people eat pizza during a football game. Maybe. I'm not really sure since the John Wayne movie information didn't really say a lot about it.

Mmmm... pizza. I think I need to order one.

How many more days for this NaPoBlowMe left?

Empty

I have absolutely nothing to blog about today. I put it off till this evening just so I might encounter something to write about. It didn't happen. But it made me wonder if there comes a point in being a blogger where you just run out of stuff to say. Where you dot the end of a sentence and just know... there is nothing else to write about.

It's cold outside. I'm warm and cozy inside. 30 days till Christmas.

Campfire Buddies

I could say several things about this photo. Number one... my house is really not as cold as these guys make it out to be. This was this morning, but right now, it's a cozy 67 where I'm sitting. But I just woke up and by the time I leave for work, it will probably be over 70 in here. My little stoves work well.

Second, lets go ahead and inform Jynxy... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! But hey... as long as he's comfortable, I guess that's all that matters, right?

You would think, being the cat person that I am, I would have a bed for each of these guys. Well... I once did. But sometimes Jynx gets an attitude and pees on things that are just sitting there asking to be peed on. Actually, we've only had a couple of instances with him and for the most part, he's a pretty good boy. I've got two more perfectly good beds that can't be used right now. I'm thinking of trying to wash them, but I'm not sure if they are washable. I will be investigating further. This bed you see was donated by my not-so-local animal shelter. Three of the cats in the picture came from the city I work for, so sometimes I get special treats from our animal control officer for being such a kind and responsible pet owner.

If it were but 5 degrees colder here, we would have feet of snow on the ground. As it is, it has been rainy for most of the day (the part I was awake for) and we have quite a lot moving in still. It's about 8pm now and I'm curious as to how cold it will get tonight and if this rain will turn into the white stuff. I love snow. It just reminds me of days of my youth and it's just so pretty when everything is covered. We had several snow days last year, and I'm hoping with the early snow on Thanksgiving, it is a precursor to another snowy year. I hope so.

May I suggest a pan full of simmering water, a few dashes of cinnamon, a few dashes of cloves, a few dashes of nutmeg, and a splash or two of vanilla to make your house a little less dry and to make it smell wonderful this holiday season. Sometimes I'll even had pumpkin pie spice as well. Just make sure you keep adding water and keep an eye on the pan ever so often.

Now off for thanksgiving leftovers as I am currently experiencing several brown outs and I need to shut down. I think I heard the sound of a transformer blowing in the distance as well.

Hypothyroidism

I was diagnosed with this over a year ago. Actually... I think it's been about two years now. It is something that is easily treated, once the right amount of meds are found. Some days, though... some days are just hard.

I originally went to the doctor because I couldn't get out of bed. Literally. All I wanted to do was sleep. I would get up and go to work (if I hadn't called in sick that day) sleep on my lunch hour, get home and go back to bed and sleep till the next morning. After about a week of this, I finally got into the doctor and SURPRISE, your metabolism is shot and you were heading for a coma. So I'm on medication but there are still some days, like yesterday, where all I want to do is be in bed. This is way beyond my normal laziness, though. Needless to say, aside from a quick trip to my parent's house, I stayed in bed. This doesn't happen very often any more. But I do still have my days. Maybe it was too much turkey that brought it on. Either way, I failed to post yesterday, so I will post for you twice today.

I'm not making an excuse for not posting... I'm just sayin'... sleeping was top priority yesterday. I'm fine today, though. :-)

Now... everybody get the sound of Homer Simpson in their heads and think of him singing Spider Pig as you gaze upon Spider Cat:

Thanksgiving Day

Tuesday night I was looking for a blank VHS tape to record House for my daughter. I don't have any blank tapes, but I use to tape everything, so I was just throwing tapes in the old VCR and trying to find one that I didn't mind taping over. In the process... I found a treasure. In the midst of about a hundred non-labled VHS tapes, I found one that contained home movies of my children when they were very young. Christmas, Easter and various preschool plays. I haven't watched beyond that, because my sentimental heart was about to burst. I had a friend at work tell me you can get stuff like this put on a disc and I think I'm going to have to look in to that, no matter the expense. This tape is just too precious to my heart to lose. I will be taking this tape, along with a box of Kleenex to my parent's house today to show my mom.

I just can't express how seeing my children again so young has made me feel. It is the most surreal feeling in the world. I'm so thankful that I have been blessed with seeing my children grow up, yet to see them so young again makes me wish I could go back to that time and stay there forever... where no one had to grow up. I think all three of us had such young and untainted hearts at that time. Looking back, I just don't think I appreciated that time enough. I know I did, but 20 years later I just can't help feeling this way. Do my parents think the same things looking at old photographs? Do they remember, as I remembered tonight, their youth, their precious children when they were still children and holding them and feeding them and do they yearn, as I did watching that video, that they could do it all over again?

There is footage of both of my brothers, my Nanny who was still sprite enough to get around without a walker and who was still able to see well, my mother, my dad, and me in my early 20's.

This year I'm especially thankful for my family. I am always thankful, but after watching us all... it is even more so. I'm thankful for finding that video when I did.

Happy Thanksgiving all. May you find your youth in pictures or videos of your childhood and may you hold on to that this holiday season.

***

Thanksgiving was wonderful today. It snowed... and iced a little. But it was beautiful. What little of the video my mom watched was as wonderful as I would have thought. My kids didn't want any part of watching themselves at that age and I don't understand why. Maybe it is one of those things that they will only be able to appreciate when they have kids of their own. I'm just not sure. I'm sad that they don't understand how much it means to me now, though. And I believe I embarrassed my son by playing it and that was not my intention at all. Again... maybe someday he will understand. Anyone who knows me at all, knows how much my kids mean to me. I could go on for pages and page with detailed accounts on how much I love those guys. but I won't.

I hope your day was just as fantastic!

I loath grocery shopping. My refrigerator shows it. But I have a couple of things I am going to make and take to my parent's house for Thanksgiving and seeing as how I don't keep marshmallows and a can of pumpkin on hand for every day use, I had to go buy some.

My first destination was Wal-Mart. Love the prices, hate the store. To me, it is just too big. It overwhelms me to the point that I avoid it like a visit to the gynecologist. Neither of which, I should avoid. I ended up at Target because there is always less people and the store is smaller and I just like the atmosphere better. You pay just a little more, but in the end, the trip ended up not being bad at all, I got everything I needed without having to search rows and rows and endless rows like I would have at Wal-Mart. Target is my most favorite store, EVER!

The cold front moved in within the last hour. Winds from the North gusting to 20 mph with an overcast sky. Three rain drops hit my windshield and from the looks of the radar, no more rain in sight. I love cold and rainy days the best. I really was wanting it to rain.

My lazy neighbors have their Christmas lights up already. He's been working on them for the past three days. I have to say, for all their laziness, their yard always looks nice and the lights he put up are really pretty and well done. I should think nicer things about them.

I wish everyone who reads this a very happy day tomorrow. Think of things to be thankful for and then share your thoughts with someone to see what they are thankful for as well.

This next picture I must preface with an explanation. I've sent you three different pictures that have as their subject my cats sitting atop doors. What I've witnessed, is them jumping onto a screen door, then climbing their way up to the top of the open door. Every person who has seen these photos has asked me... how do they get up there? I give them the screen door explanation. I'm writing this blog just now and I hear a bunch of noise coming from the kitchen area. Some day, when I hear strange noises, I'm going to learn to just go ahead and grab the camera beforehand because I have always needed it when the noises start. Needless to say, I failed to grab my camera this time as well and as I rounded the corner to see what was up, I thought my head was going to es-plode from what I saw. This is a picture of my back door. There is no screen on this door. It is wood... and glass. On the BACK of the door, there is a metal grating. The noises I heard sounded like nails on a chalkboard. After listening to it for a little bit, I finally had to investigate. This is what I saw:


Who needs to struggle with blog content when you have cats?

The Bachelor

Well... terrible, terrible ending to the Bachelor. I won't go into the gory details for those of you who don't watch this show, but in the end the guy is suppose to pick a girl after kicking off a total of 24 before her and he didn't pick any of them. He said good-bye to the final two, broke their hearts and in the end didn't choose any of them. What a complete waste of my time... not that it would have been a good waste of time had he chose someone. I didn't know he had the choice to not pick anyone.

So Winter is suppose to come knocking again tomorrow afternoon and be nice and chilly for Thanksgiving. I had to sleep with my air conditioner again yesterday... but a lot of that had to do with the neighbor's roof.

I need to make a trip to Walmart to get supplies for turkey day. Tomorrow will be the last chance I have to do that. I was going to go this morning, but one of the guys I work with kept me awake all night, so I'm more sleepy then usual. I'll actually have a house guest Thursday night and seeing as how I have nothing in this house to feed anyone aside from my cats, I should really pick up a few things in the feed my kid department as well. She said we are going to do girly things. I forgot how to do that.

Cricket has discovered that she can do the new fun thing on the back porch as well:



I'm seriously, seriously thinking of doing this to my house:

kat wallks

My life's desire is to become an eclectic old lady with a lot (but not too many) cats in a house that I own that I can just go off the deep end and delve into my hidden artistic weirdness and go crazy on the inside. Those cat wallks go right in with my theme. I am SO going to do this one day.

20 Things I've Learned In Life So Far:

1. Gravity is NOT my friend.
2. Life IS fair if you know how to look at it.
3. If every 5 years I asked myself, "Am I where I expected to be in life?", the answer will always be and has always been, no.
4. Family is the greatest gift that life will give you.
5. It may not be what you want, but it will always be what you need.
6. Some friendships are fleeting and only meant to last a short time, but the memories will last forever.
7. It is impossible to keep your children from growing up.
8. Having a young heart and an old body is just weird feeling.
9. You can choose to be happy.
10. Just because you want to play the guitar, doesn't mean you will be able to.
11. The hotness that is Johnny Depp was not so hot when he was younger.
12. Hearts actually CAN be broken.
13. There are very few considerate drivers where I live and work.
14. Some days, life just sucks.
15. Laura Lee is K.A. and J. loves me.
16. I know that my kitties love me as much as I love them.
17. Life keeps rolling on, no matter what.
18. I have a weird over sensitivity to shiny and sparkley things. They draw me like a magnet.
19. Roller Coaster Tycoon is my all time favorite computer game.
20. My neighbors are getting a new roof and sleeping today is going to be impossible.

If you watch no other videos today, you must watch these:
The cat and the blanket

Perfect Kodak moment

Laugh, smile, love... life is too short not to be happy.

Loooobeeees

I'm unbelievably excited about Monday evening. It is the season finale of The Bachelor. You may remember my post about all the TV shows I'm vesting my time in, well, The Bachelor has become one of my top favorite. I've only watched one other season and that was the very first season it was on. I like the whole romance aspect of the show, plus I like seeing the really mean and fake girls get the boot. The only reason I'm watching it this season is because the guy's from Austin. I seem to have an Austin thing going on this year.

My mom called this morning and she has just decided, for the first time in years, that we will be having Thanksgiving at home with Turkey and stuffing and family time. In the recent past... I don't know... the last 5 or 6 years, I think, our family has congregated to our local Luby's to have our family dinner. This has made life easier on all of us, actually. But this morning, my mom was talking with friends and they convinced her we should do it at home this year and she really feels good about it. I'm really, really excited. I mean, I was excited before, because I always enjoy spending time with my family since I don't get to see them that often. But it's going to be nice to be able to kick my shoes off and just relax and not have to worry about being in public... which is funny that I write that here because my mom and I talked about my lack of interest of leaving my house, as well. I may or may not blog about that later. So, yay! for family time soon.

My Doorbell Is Haunted

There is nothing more disconcerting as when it is 2 am and your doorbell rings. For people who are a couple, this is a bit easier I would think, since there would be a witness to anything bad that might happen. But when you live alone, sleeping in bed with various felines draped over different parts of your body, you are sound asleep, and the doorbell rings, it can pump up your adrenalin so that after you get up, grab your phone, turn on every light outside of the house and look out all the windows, it's hard to get back to sleep. Why I was worried, really, still baffles me in the light of day. And here is why:

When my parents lived here, my dad installed a nice doorbell package. It is one of those wireless setups to make installation easier. The front doorbell ring is different then the back doorbell ring. Since the back door is used more often by family members (its the door we always went in when we were young and coming to see my Nanny) my Dad thought it appropriate that there be a bell back there as well. When I first moved in here, the back doorbell button's battery died and I've yet to find the kind of battery that goes in it. It's a weird stubby 12 volt thingy. So I took it down so people who came to see me didn't sit out there and push the back door bell and never get a response because the battery was dead. So last night, I believe the bell that sounded was the back door bell, which is always odd since there isn't a button back there. But in my sleep muddled brain, I second guessed what I had heard and then I wasn't sure which one I REALLY heard. So 2am turned into 4am before I was finally able to get back to sleep. Some days, being single becomes too obvious.

They both have randomly gone off before. Even my Mom was telling me about them going off in the middle of the night while they were here. Doesn't make it any better when it happens, though. I thought at one point that humidity was the cause. Seeing as how there wasn't any high humidity at 2am this morning, that theory was blown. I'm sure it has something to do with radio waves of some type and someone driving by or something. I dunno. But it makes me wonder how often it really goes off at night since I'm not here most nights.

It's back to work tonight and I just wish I had another two days off. There's nothing I really need to get done, but I just wish I had them off anyway.

I like this time of year because everyone loves each other as they snuggle by the fire:




And Spazz is ALWAYS by the fire this time of year!

I'm In Flotation Mode

I am totally in love with Imogen Heap. Her approach to music is wonderfully different and her talent is obvious, as seen in this video: Click here to see greatness

We are at the halfway point in November. Already. Which means I'm going to wake up tomorrow and it's going to be Christmas. Yesterday the wind was BLOWING and this morning I woke up and thought someone had put me in a freezer because I fell asleep with the windows open and when I awoke, it was 40 degrees outside. The last week it's been in the 70s during the day and 60s at night. But we've had no rain, which surprises me since I'm very attuned to when it's going to rain. (I'll elaborate one day) But today dawned very cool and very sunny and the winds are calm and I think the high is only suppose to be around 65 or so. Should make for a nice day. I REALLY need to get outside and do some branch clean up after all the winds. And my yard could stand another go around with the mower... just to cut down the weeds, though. Grass has quit growing for the season.

When one is poor, they will find ingenious ways to get the supplies they need to stay alive. Honestly, I don't consider myself poor at all. I have a steady paycheck that comes in twice a month, I have the internet, I have a roof over my head and anyone that knows me, knows I'm not starving. Yeah, it's tuff having kids and paying for those kids is something I've never ever felt obliged to do, but willing to do because I love them so. I would give them everything I have if I needed to. My son, being the independent that he is, has made things easier on me by having a full time job. He's a hard working kid and he will never want for anything because of his hard work... no matter what he decides to do. My daughter... well... my daughter has yet to find her niche in the work field. With her classes this year, it's left her not able to work except on weekends and although this gives her a little money for gas and food, it leaves her nothing for anything else. I agreed this past year that I would be able to pay for her apartment each month. And I can... but it leaves me with no room for anything extra and saving up for Christmas is just not going to happen this year. Anyway... the whole point to this explanation is this:

When I'm running low on funds and I have nothing left in the house to eat and I'm HONGRY, I'll call up Pizza Hut and they will bring me food in exchange for a piece of paper that they call a check. This is what you would call, floating a check. In the olden days, you could float checks to the grocery store, your bills, or just about anyone. It's all part of living from paycheck to paycheck and I've perfected this through-out my life. As most of you might know, you can't float checks like you use to. Regardless of the piece of paper that you hand someone, now it's taken electronically from your account right then and if you ain't got no funds in da bank, you ain't be gettin no groceries or anything else for that matter. Simple as that. Our illustrious pizza delivery boys don't carry around check machines, so floating a check to the pizza guy is easy. I order my pizza online these days. I like to order online because I can take my time and choose exactly what I want and change my mind a lot without having to worry about pissing someone off who has better things to do then listen to me hem and haw about what I might want. I really like this. So I order me a nice hot pizza from the Pizza Hut guys and I await my food. It arrives and I hand the guy my check, which I've done many, many times before and he says to me, "Did they not tell you we can't accept checks because our check machine is down?" And I'm like... "I ordered online, so I never talked to anyone and no one called." And the delivery guy is feeling all bad because he can see that my face is drawn with hunger and that I'm looking at him like a cartoon character who hasn't eaten in a month and is visualizing him as a roast turkey. So I try the old, "Dude, I order from you guys all the time and I've never bounced a check." And he looks at the ticket and I guess it says how many times I've ordered with them and he said, "yeah, I can see that you have." So he tells me to call the manager and see if it's all cool that he goes ahead and gives me my food, because really, what the heck are they going to do with the pizza except for throw it away or give it away later? If they take my check now, they can always process the check when their machine comes back up, right? The manager said no. I thanked him nicely, apologized sincerely to the pizza guy because not only will he not get his 4 dollar tip that I included in the check, but he probably won't get his run money for the delivery and the more I thought about this whole thing, the more stupid it became in my head. The LAST time I ordered from Pizza Hut was for my daughter and I. After ordering, and after waiting an hour and a half with no response I called the store and they said they were out of black olives and tried to call but no one answered so we just got dropped. No one ever called my phone. It was sitting right in front of me the whole time. So... after these two past instances, I've decided that Pizza Hut, although I love their pizza above all others, will no longer be getting my business. I called Papa Johns last night, by the way, and was eating hot pizza and yummy cheese sticks for less the price in about 30 minutes after the order was given. And it was really good. The Pizza Hut delivery guy DID leave the 2 liter of Pepsi for my troubles. I wish I had the 4 dollar tip in cash that I was going to give him on the check for being so nice and knowing how stupid his manager was, but alas... that's the whole point of floating a check.

This is hilarious! Please click this link! You will be glad you did.

24 - The unaired Pilot.

Cricket is feeling much better. Back to her running around and tearing crap up ways. But I'm okay with that. I like her better this way. I get a-skerd when my little ones don't feel well.

Speaking of the little ones... they are telling me it is time for naps. So naps it shall be.

Butterflies And Bumble Bees

I've been sitting here with this page up staring out the window and trying to come up with a witty topic for today's post.

The window is open and there is a soft breeze blowing in. The pink and white Lantana that is growing outside of this window is still in bloom and there are a butterfly and a bumble bee relishing the beautiful morning with dew kissed flowers. It's hard to imagine that at any moment, I could have my heater on and be freezing my bo-hiney off.

I've become accustomed to the sounds of construction going on. The big church across the way is becoming even bigger.

I need to take a picture. It's so big it is ungodly. I understand about the congregation getting bigger and needing more space... but seriously... quit trying to impress me with your lavishness. It doesn't work.

But this morning there is a distinct lack of noise outside and it is very noticeable. There's a small dog barking in the distance... small engine airplane going over. No car sounds. No lawn mowers. No outside vacuum thingys being used. It's nice.

So... anyway... uhm... yeah...this would normally be a day I don't post anything. ;)

Makin' Bread

...or making biscuits. Call it what you will... there is nothing more comforting to most cats AND peoples then when they start lovin' on you. I like this video not only for the picture part, but I really, really likee this song, too.



My Cricket is not feeling well. She was down yesterday, as well. It almost appears as if she's scared... but I think she is just sick. Haven't seen her eat today, but I did catch her drinking some water, so that's always a good sign. She didn't even want her banky yesterday and that really worried me. But I got her to go to it this morning.

I have to go to bed, so I'm heading there now. The sleepies have about gotten me. Ya'll have a great day!

Nosy Neighbor

A few of my neighbors are multi-motorized-yard-tool owners. For example: I watched the female part of one of my neighbors rake her yard into this pretty impressive pile of leaves. Then she came back with one of those outdoor vacuums that suck up dead leaves from your yard and proceeded to spend the next 30 to 45 minutes sucking that big pile into this tiny bag that she had to change often. I'm thinking it would have been faster to just scoop up the pile of leaves that she had already raked and dump them in a trash bag by hand... but I guess if she were to have done that, she'd have missed the chance to use the out-door vacuum. The neighbor next to her was out using HIS outdoor vacuum. His had a bigger bag, and he didn't go about hand raking prior to sucking. His way makes more sense to me. I mean, seriously... I thought the whole idea behind motorized yard tools, was to get stuff done faster and easier than you actually could do something by hand. Maybe I'm just a moron.

I'm a pretty good nosy neighbor. I have no true facts of any of my neighbors, really, so I'll sit on my back porch and make stuff up about where they are going and who that is visiting their home. I have named all of them, as well.

I have barking dog neighbor, whose dog will bark anytime anyone comes within a certain distance of his yard, which I really like because you always know when someone is around. This dog never barks otherwise. They have two small children (both girls, I think). I like the way the dad talks to them. He seems like he really loves those kids and it's always nice to hear them interacting. I don't think I've ever seen the mom but maybe a couple of times. They live on my east side.

Then there's lawnmower neighbor who lives to my south. He's named because he REALLY likes his riding lawn mower and is out frequently using it. And I would, too. I'm rather jealous of him and his riding lawnmower. His yard is huge, so it takes a while to mow, the mower is really loud... but the coolest part is how fast this thing is. I'm use to my small poky riding lawn mower and I'll watch his... I swear he gets that thing up to 50mph at some points. They are an older couple with at least one grown daughter. I have actually verbalized with him, but not his wife, a couple of times. And we always wave.

At the north point, I have the new neighbors. They moved in a few months after I did. They are a younger couple, no kids... and at times there's a lady that lives there who has to be a lesbian. Don't ask me why I say this because I'm not really sure why I think this, but I strongly do. I've decided that she is the man's lesbian aunt and on occasion, her and her life partner have a spat and she comes and stays with him for a couple of weeks until nobody is mad any more. She's probably 50ish. The couple are probably in their late 20's, early 30's. Right now,though, there is a younger boy... probably in his early 20's who is at LEAST 7 feet tall living there. This kid is TALL! I'm thinking he is the female's younger brother. And I don't think this couple is married. And I think she is either Hawaiian or Samoan.

On my west side I have lazy neighbors, night shift husband, and Bratsville.

Lazy neighbors have the lady I was first talking about at the beginning of this post. Some mornings, I'll see the husband park his car in the street, walk past the trash cans after the garbage man has emptied them, along with a newspaper (or two) and not even look twice at them... then the wife comes home and takes the cans in along with the newspaper. It's mutual laziness in their household, but I guess it works for them. They have a daughter who is in high school.

Night shift husband neighbors have a grand-son that they babysit... a LOT! And I think the guy is kind of mean, but I'm not a hundred percent on that one. It may just be the way he sounds from his yard to my back porch. I think he works the same hours I do. I see her often with him doing yard work. And she can't pull into the garage by herself. She always makes her husband do it.

Bratsville is so named because this couple have a small girl and small boy and those kids are always coming out of their house to scream and cry. Mom or dad will come out and yell at them and they will usually return with more screaming and crying. Doesn't seem to be a very happy family. Last Christmas they didn't take down their decorations till mid-February. Their door is ALWAYS slamming.

So that's the neighbors that I see, watch and hear when I'm out on the old back porch watching the world unfold. I should really get a life, I know... and I'm probably over 50 percent wrong on my assumptions of my neighbors.

If ever you come to my house and see soda cartons on my kitchen floor... this is why:



Kittens-Coca Cola Box - The funniest movie is here. Find it

It's buuuuurning....

Today will be a 12 hour work day for me. Blah! I need the extra money SO bad right now, I have no room to complain at all... but 12 hours...

Yesterday morning I woke up in the midst of a dream. I dreamed that I was taking out one of my contacts and along with it, some pieces of my eye ball. This was disturbing enough to wake me. Upon awakening, I had this stabbing pain in my left eye. Makes me wonder if I was poking myself in the eye while I slept. I dunno. Anyway... I am a contact lens wearer. I sleep in them, I shower in them, I rarely ever take them out of my eyes. And I never have any problems with them. I've never had an eye infection. This pain that I woke up with, worried me enough to take out my contacts and resort to a pair of glasses that are all but brand new. I might have worn them twice before. I hate them. I like the way they look on me, but I can't stand the way they feel on my face. I cant' stand the fact my vision is limited to the lenses sitting on my face, lacking ALL of my peripheral vision. And waking up and everything being blurry... it freaks me out. I'm use to having my contacts in while I sleep so when I wake up, everything is clear as a bell. I've never considered lasik (sp?) surgery before. I've seen it done on TV and I'm sorry... it's just too new and too risky for me. Not enough people have had it done for a long enough time, that someone can't say you won't be blind 10 years after getting this surgery done. I'm sure they are doing studies as we speak... I just want to wait until I see a few of those before chancing it.

So... I went all day yesterday and all night at work and I wore my glasses. I bumped into things, I tripped up some stairs, I kept losing stuff below my lens' vision point. Within seconds of arriving home this morning, I had my contacts back in. No pain. And I can SEE! I can SEE!

Now I'm off to bed to try and sleep a few hours before I have to go back into work and work 12 hours. Pooninny.

To A Friend

Dearest J. I met you when I was 16 years old. Through thick and thin, you have stood by me from the moment we met, all through the years, to the present. We have been boyfriend and girlfriend, lovers, running buddies, room-mates and always friends. I can think of no one else who knows me better than you. You and I... we have a 23 year history... and no one can ever take that away from us.

I'm sorry I could never give you a family life that you so aptly deserved. I'm sorry that I could not love you the way you wanted me to. I'm sorry my mentality is such that we can't even live together. I'm sorry my mom hated you so. I'm sorry I could never make her understand otherwise. I'm sorry you rarely approve of the people I work with. I'm sorry we are different in so many ways. I'm sorry for every lie I ever told you. I'm sorry for every moment I made your heart ache. I'm sorry for all of those times I woke up and left when all you wanted me to do was stay.

Thank you for always understanding me, and when you didn't making me believe that you did. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for not holding where I work against me. Thank you for always wanting to hold my hand. Thank you for always thinking I am pretty, and telling me so. Thank you for not running away when you found out I was 16, even though through the years you have wished that you had. Thank you for always respecting my wishes, even when you shouldn't have. Thank you for living with me and helping me through one of the hardest times in my life. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for letting me help you when I could. Thank you for letting me be one of two hearts.

Thank you, J... for being you.

To My Son

My son will be 22 in January. I had been 18 years old less then a month when he came into this world. I had been married for a little over 7 months.

You made me grow up and you made me understand what love is, the day you were born. You helped me realize how strong I was and you helped me see life through a boy's eyes. You were, and are now, a mother's blessing as a son. We butted heads when you were younger, but I never doubted the love I felt from you, or the love I felt for you. You started reading when you were 4, yet numbers came to be your specialty. You have brought music to my ears and heart since you first picked up an instrument and yes, I still cry a mother's tears of joy when I see you on stage now.

You have grown into a beautiful man, inside and out.

Thank you J, for being my son. Thank you for all the times you made me laugh while we were trying to do homework. Thank you for being so smart. Thank you for loving all things living and for not growing up to be a man who has to kill things to prove himself.

Thank you for being patient with me when I didn't understand you and thank you for helping me to understand you better. Thank you for loving your father when I no longer could. Thank you for being a mother's "first time" with everything you accomplished... first day of school, first to learn how to drive, first to graduate, first to go to college. They say being an oldest child is the hardest because the parents tend to practice on you so it's not so hard with the second child and so on. Thank you for unintentionally letting me experiment on you.

Thank you for finally learning that your sister was not put on this Earth to torment you, and that she loves you.

Thank you for loving me and allowing me to love you back. Thank you for your music, your smiles, your hugs and your kisses. Thank you J... for being you.

To My Daughter

I got out my external hard drive this evening and found a bunch of old pictures from my old computer. It's not exactly like looking through an old fashion hand held photo album... but it was close. In my next few blogs, I will be exploring some of those pictures.

My daughter will no longer be a teenager as of this coming March. She is the youngest of my two children. My baby. One of the top two on my list of things I was blessed with in life.

K was suppose to be a boy. When I did the whole sonogram thing with both of my children, neither time I wanted to know the sex of the child. My husband was the same. There are always those people who will tell you things like, "You know, I carried my son the exact same way" and the nurses would tell me, "The heartbeat is fast, and that usually indicates a boy" and then my mother's needle test in which a needle is hung from a piece of thread and held above the protruding belly containing the unknown entity, which has never been wrong, not wanting to give a straight answer... it circled and then would swing side to side... circle... and then side to side. I think side to side meant it was a boy and if the needle swung in a circle it meant a girl.
And there were other things, from other family members and in-law members and they all said she was going to be a boy. Then she came into this world and when I asked how "he" was, the doctor said, "What do you mean a 'he'? It's a girl!" And I cried. And my husband was crying. And it is one of the most clearest memories in my life.

She was blessed with the talents of words and song. She began reading at 4 and by the time she was 6, she was already using words I didn't know the meaning of... and was writing short stories. She's always had an outgoing personality, with just the right amount of shyness to not hinder her, yet show off her beautifully sweet personality. She grew into a beautiful woman in about a month's time.

Thank you K, for being my daughter. Thank you for making me laugh until my stomach hurt, for being open and honest with me when it was really important, for the words you write that show your inner demons, for being strong and for letting me see the world through your eyes with your pictures.

Thank you for loving your dad when I no longer could. Thank you for teaching me the things that you have, and for learning the things that I taught you. Thank you for "getting me". Thank you for letting me dress you up, do your hair and put makeup on you.

Thank you for not being a tom-boy.

Thank you for all the kisses, all the hugs, and all the times you have poked me in the boob. (Why you think this is funny, I still don't understand) Thank you K... for being you.