Been Taking Some Time Off

Haven't had it in me to write the last week or so. I'm actually having a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything, really. I find myself staring at the dust particles in a beam of sunlight with no thoughts in my head, aside from random things that don't look good on paper.

This Christmas season has not been what I thought it would be. I decided early on that I wasn't going to put up a tree... and I haven't. I did decorate my fake ficus, though. But I've left all the other decorations in storage because the later it gets, the point to dragging it all out becomes less important.

Today is the 16th, which leaves me with 14 days to B day and Q day. I'm starting to freak out about both. Starting? Yeah. I can say I have been successful in not stressing about turning 40. My mind is so wrapped up in the quitting smoking thing, that I haven't even really thought about it too much. Which was my intention all along. I'm sure there's some psychological explanation that could make me understand why I feel as if I won't be able to identify with who I am once I quit smoking. I've heard similar incidences when someone loses a lot of weight. One thing is for sure... it's past time to start doing some research on the subject. And while we are on the subject of quitting... I bought my last cigarettes last night. That in itself was a glorious achievement. Knowing when I went in... this is the last time. It was... liberating. I'm hoping for much more liberation before and after it gets here, though.

I got a letter from the IRS a couple of days ago. As did my son. Seems we double dipped in the exemption pot. Taxes were easier when my kids were under 18. Now I have to go back, make corrections, probably lose any and all of my refund for this year and pray I don't go to jail for tax evasion. Pretty soon I'll get to start using the old saying, "picked a bad day to quit smoking".

14 days...