Happy New Year And Other Stoof!

At midnight tonight, I will be answering phone calls relating to gunshots being fired and fireworks being shot off. I will get a LOT of calls, in fact. Lots of people out acting crazy on this night. To my family and friends who may or may not read this... be careful. Don't drink and drive. The cops will be out in droves and they are just waiting for that one little swerve as an excuse to pull you over. They make it a game between themselves on nights like tonight to see who can get the most DWIs. Trust me. They do things like this. To my children!!!: Don't put yourself in a bad situation. Call me, call me, call me. Doesn't matter that I'll be at work. I will find you a ride home. Be smart. And be alert to the ones who choose to go ahead and spin that wheel on the revolver. Unfortunately, though, the shot usually goes awry and an 8 year old girl loses both of her parents instead. It's just not worth it folks. Be safe tonight.

***

My mom sent me the most beautiful birthday card. I felt I needed to share it because it touched me so:

How to Make a Beautiful Life (Reflections For a Daughter On Her Birthday)

Love Yourself.
MAKE PEACE with who you are
and where you are
at this moment in time.

Listen to you heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying
in this noisy world,
MAKE TIME for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.
Take chances.
MAKE MISTAKES.
Life can be messy
and confusing at times,
but it's also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path
might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.
When you don't have what you want,
want what you have.
MAKE DO.
That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY(SHADE).
To know where you're going
is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn't days and years.
It's what you do with time
and with all the goodness and grace
that's inside you.
MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...
The kind of life you deserve.

There is no authors signature attached with this card, but it's from Hallmark. It is made so you can hang it up. Plan on doing just that.

***

Happy New Year, ya'll. May peace and love follow you through another year.

Today I am 40!

And with a loud drum roll, followed by a cymbal crash, please...

I'm 40. I am 40. I. Am. Forty. Years. Old. I know that saying it more doesn't make it any less true, but I'm still trying it on, so cut me some slack today.

Is being 40 twice as good as being 20? Don't know yet. When I turned 20, I was 6 months pregnant... don't have to worry bout that this year. When I was 20 I was married. No chance of that happening this year either. When I was 20 I had a son who was just about to turn 2 years old. Being 6 months pregnant, I wasn't skinny when I was 20. At 20, my marriage was long past the point of being over.

Now that I am 40. My children are grown and moved out of the house. I'm still not skinny. Gravity and gray hair are my worst nemesis. I never remarried. Still don't own my own home. I am not a grandmother. I have a job I like very much... working on my 14th year there. I have no retirement, though. (Loooooooooooooooong story) But I have no debt. I could pick up right now and leave and only owe utilities... and a good explanation to my kids why I'm leaving. But I'm not leaving. Not yet. This 40th year will be a year of changes. Of getting stuff done. On starting the rest of my life. Tonight at midnight, I will officially be a non-smoker. Tomorrows post should be entertaining, if I can muster up the jolly good cheer to even face my computer.

Being 40 for about 8 hours now, I am thankful for so many things. I'm thankful I lived to see 40 to see my children all grown up and adult-like, although they will always and forever be 3 in my eyes. I got to experience being an aunt, seeing my brothers marry well and I am thankful I still have my parents here with me along with my grandmother of almost 104.

I am happier than I was at 20. I am much, much, MUCH wiser. I've been up, I've been way down but for the most part, I can, at 40, look in the mirror and say I kind of like that gal. She's not so bad, really.

20 things about being 40.

1. I am more inclined to tell people to shut up.
2. Thinking about death is the new thinking about nothing much.
3. When my boss asks when I can get something done, I feel more free to say, "How 'bout never? Is never good for you?"
4. I am less certain about things then I use to be.
5. I argue with the TV. I always win.
6. It's hardly ever quiet enough.
7. It can be too quiet.
8. My joints are more accurate then the meteorologists.
9. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
10. I can eat dinner at 4pm.
11. "I'm eating ice cream at 8am because I CAN!"
12. Me and Ms. Clairol are best friends.
13. I can finally sit in a room full of adults and understand the conversations now.
14. I now have a valid excuse for forgetting things.
15. I actually LIKE going to work.
16. Staying home is just more appealing then going out.
17. Naps are goooood.
18. I can never be too warm in the winter, or too cool in the summer.
19. I actually WANT to save money now.
20. I am going to die sooner then ever.

Charlie...

I can't think of anything that sounds more odd than a child with an English accent, and I can't quit watching this video. It's hilarious to watch this kid's face when he's discovered he's placed his finger in a place he probably never will again. tee hee

Charlie bit him!

True Love

And It's Over...

And as fast as it got here, it got over with even faster.

Christmas aftermath:

Cricket standing tall and proud in her mess:

Libby had been into the catnip, but she thinks Christmas is greeeeeat:

And here's my Christmas Ficus:


Family:

My dad and his fish:

Mom and brother:

Son and daughter:

My niece, a Christmas kitten, and a pink tent in the living room:


Loot: Garbage Disposal, Super cool Microwave, ceramic heater for my feetsies, warm slippers, also for my feetsies, a really cool mirror that will need a very special place, humongous coffee mugs, getting to hug my brother after not seeing him in over a year and seeing one of my nephews and my sister-in-law, sitting next to my grandmother who asked me if I realized how old she was going to be in less than a month and I told her, "yes, 104". And she said, "When I was a hundred and three, I said whoopie, when I'm a hundred and four, I'm saying no more." And someone promptly responded with, "and when you are a hundred and five you can say, I'm still alive!" Coming home and seeing a new bunny friend hopping around my yard, time and lots of laughter with my kids, lots of hugs from lots of friends, good food... and some kind of icky sick that's going around my work that at least 5 of us are currently experiencing.

In other news...

I got my kitten to "fetch" 4 times in a row on xmas day while not sleeping and feeling ill. I use the term, fetch, loosely here, only because cats do what they WANT to do, and almost always NEVER what YOU want them to. I've never been one to train my cats to do anything aside from poo and pee in a litter box. And with cats, it's almost always a one time showing even at a very early age and they are cool with it. I've often thought of actually doing the whole "toilet" training thing, but as I'm sure you have heard me say before, I'm lazy and that just would take a lot of work. I spend more time trying to train my cats on things NOT to do. Like scratching on furniture (which they are actually really good at on everything except my mattress. But that's okay and for the most part I let them get away with it because my ex-boyfriend bought me that bed after he left me and I get some type of sick satisfaction as my kitties take out my projected anger on the bed) I spend a lot of time saying "Get out of there!" because they are all oh so good at getting into there... boxes, baskets, closets, top of closets, kitchen cabinets, tops of doors, IN the furniture, in the Ficus, drinking from the toilet... and other various odd places.

Each of my kitties has had a favorite toy when they were a kitten. Spazz loves strings, but he's one of these that likes to hide behind something and will only attack when the string is going back and forth almost in a whipping motion. My dad started him on that. He made this toy with a wooden stick and a thick string on the end and would get Spazz so wound up we would have to make my dad stop because Spazz would be laying on the floor panting. He liked the little mice covered in rabbit fur, too, but he was always chewing the tails off. Jynxy's favorite toy was a rabbit's foot. He carried and played with that thing until not much was left of it aside from bones and a bit of fur. I think he has some deep seated anger because he really likes to tear stuff up. And he sits and sharpens his claws like he can't wait to go find something to shred. Seriously, though... he DOES sit and sharpen his claws. I've never seen a cat sit and do that before. And he HAS some awesomely sharp claws. Anyway, he grew up and quit playing with the foot and I finally threw it away. Libby's favorite toy was a piece off of another toy. It is this gray fuzzy thing and it had a string that once attached it to something else and it had a little jingle bell that got stepped on so it didn't jingle any more and a small patch of fringed ribbon on the other end. She actually played with this toy until Cricket came along and made it her favorite toy and proceeded to rip off the string with the squished bell and all of the fringe where it was just an oval fuzzy gray thingy. Now it's an okay toy for when we can't find anything else to do. Cricket's new favorite toy is this little white mouse that has seen much better days.

I have several variations of mice made of different materials and colors, but this one is the best for some reason. One day I threw that mouse across the room while playing with Cricket and she kept coming back to me for me to throw it again but I would always have to get up and keep getting it myself. Remember... I'm lazy. So the game would not last very long. So one day she brought it back after catching it mid-flight. And so on Xmas, I think the idea has finally caught on that the game will last a lot longer if The Mommy doesn't have to get her fat rump off her computer chair. Right now our play room, as I'm sure you gathered from the pictures, is a disaster area and until I get some sleep, it's going to stay that way. But we will be practicing and I will let you know how it goes.

Two days off to look forward to. I'll be in bed covered in warm blankets and cats if you're looking for me.

4 days...

The Prayer... for you, and you, and you...

THE PRAYER

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!!

Just got home from work and I'm having a quick cup 'o joe before facing shopping hell on the day before Christmas. I don't have much to buy because you can't buy much without much money, but I have to get out there anyway... much.

This evening will entail a yearly trip to Celebration Fellowship Church for their Christmas program, which I look forward to every year. Tissues are always a must.

This year, my Christmas memories so far will include some very heartfelt, deep conversation with two people that I consider very dear friends even though I have not known either a very long time. They have described for me a side of myself I don't or can't see with my own eyes and their kind words I will take with me over the next two days and hold dear to my heart as I enjoy the true meaning of the Christmas Spirit.

For any who read, Merry Christmas and I hope the next two days are filled with family, love, merriment, good food, laughter and joy for you.

And just in case you don't know how to wrap a present, I leave you with this video because a) it's hilarious b) the ending is hilarious c) it's Christmas and I have to get out and go shopping and it's the funniest video I could find in a rush, but worth the find.

Love you ALL!!!!!!

The Men In My Life

I started thinking (which can be dangerous even though I'm a deep thoughtful person on a regular basis) about couples and what it's like to live with a significant other and how much work is involved and etc., etc. And I counted up the years of my life that I have spent living with a man. The total is about 7 years, give or take a few months. I've only been married once and 4 years of that 7 were with him. I don't take living with someone lightly because I know that it takes a lot of work and there have only been 3 men in my life that I trusted enough with my kids to allow them a space in my home and my heart.

Anyway... what prompted this post was a video that is an accurate re-enactment of a small part of what it is like to live with a man, which may explain why there have only been 7 years of my life dedicated to living with someone of the opposite sex.

Maybe I identified more with this video because at the beginning he says he calls out for her... "Laura, Laura..." Makes me think I'll be happily single for the rest of my life to never have to hear that "man whine" again. :-)

Been Taking Some Time Off

Haven't had it in me to write the last week or so. I'm actually having a hard time getting motivated to do much of anything, really. I find myself staring at the dust particles in a beam of sunlight with no thoughts in my head, aside from random things that don't look good on paper.

This Christmas season has not been what I thought it would be. I decided early on that I wasn't going to put up a tree... and I haven't. I did decorate my fake ficus, though. But I've left all the other decorations in storage because the later it gets, the point to dragging it all out becomes less important.

Today is the 16th, which leaves me with 14 days to B day and Q day. I'm starting to freak out about both. Starting? Yeah. I can say I have been successful in not stressing about turning 40. My mind is so wrapped up in the quitting smoking thing, that I haven't even really thought about it too much. Which was my intention all along. I'm sure there's some psychological explanation that could make me understand why I feel as if I won't be able to identify with who I am once I quit smoking. I've heard similar incidences when someone loses a lot of weight. One thing is for sure... it's past time to start doing some research on the subject. And while we are on the subject of quitting... I bought my last cigarettes last night. That in itself was a glorious achievement. Knowing when I went in... this is the last time. It was... liberating. I'm hoping for much more liberation before and after it gets here, though.

I got a letter from the IRS a couple of days ago. As did my son. Seems we double dipped in the exemption pot. Taxes were easier when my kids were under 18. Now I have to go back, make corrections, probably lose any and all of my refund for this year and pray I don't go to jail for tax evasion. Pretty soon I'll get to start using the old saying, "picked a bad day to quit smoking".

14 days...

Foggy Tuesday Morning

About two weeks ago my mom gave me a couple of homemade CDs to listen to. She's emailed me a couple of times asking what I thought of the music, and I just haven't had the chance to sit down and listen to them. This morning, as I sit at my computer, the music of love and spirit is surrounding me and my tired soul that has been dragging for the past couple of days, weeks, months...has lifted with this gift that my mother made for me.

I don't tell you I love you enough, mom... and I hope you know how much I do.

Thank you.

Friends

I don't have a lot of friends. But maybe my definition of a friend is different than yours. Sure, there are a lot of folks out there that I generally like and enjoy the time that I do spend with them, but they don't really know me because, one, I haven't had a chance to really get to know them, or two, I like them okay and am cordial because that's just the right thing to do but I'm wary in sharing personal details about myself. All relationships are unique, whether it be a friendship, an intimate and or romantic relationship or even a business partnership. The common denominator in relationships is that they take work from both parties to survive time. Those that I consider my closest friends are there because they took the time to get to know me and understand me and gave of themselves as well. Plus they understand me enough to know that just because I don't call, doesn't mean I'm mad, or upset or anything like that. I'm just lazy when it comes to my friendships. I don't wanna do any work. Which, in turn, limits the number of people that stick around for the long run and love me just the way I am and know that I love them back. For example... I have a friend that lives in Reno, Nevada. She moved there... years ago. Can't remember how long ago. Many years. 6, 8, 10... something like that. We rarely ever talk on the phone. Maybe once every other year. But when we do... it's like a day hasn't gone by since the last time we talked. I will always consider her one of my best friends. It's a lifetime deal, no matter time or distance.

I actually think I had a point to this post, yet I've been sitting here for 15 minutes watching it rain and have totally lost my thought.

I think what I needed to say all around was... I had a very good opportunity to meet up with a group of real friends yesterday and I was unable to because of stupid financial reasons. It was just one of those things that hit at the wrong time. It made me very sad to miss seeing them, but I know in my heart another opportunity will arise. I may get ragged on for skipping out for a while, but that's okay. I know they love me for who I am and I love them all back.

12 hour shift today... 12 hour shift tomorrow...

21 days...

Summer Days...

Are here again. Currently 83 degrees outside. I just got back from the store and I just put most everything up, and I had to sit down because I'm sweating my patooty off. Got my shorts on, summer shirt and my hair is braided and out of my face. I'm STILL hot. Sometime today I will have to lay down before going into work. This is going to require me to turn on the air conditioner since I can't stand being hot when I sleep. And I was so proud of my $45 electric bill this month!

This time change stuff is still messing with my head. This morning, my phone rings and I wake up and my clock says it's 730. I have no idea what day it is... if it's morning or night, if I was suppose to be at work... total confusion. Finally I remembered my son was needing to come by early in the morning to print some stuff off for before school and it was him that was calling. Then, when I did finally realize what day and time it was, I was still baffled that it was already Friday and that I had to go to work tonight. Got nothing done again on this weekend. No, I take that back... I DID go to the store. I've been needing to that for weeks now. I still don't feel I'm as stocked up as I would like to be, but every little step counts. So Merry Christmas to me, because that's what I'm getting myself this year. Groceries. It's just about 330pm and I still have the rest of the day to get a few things done before work week starts.

If you ever shop at Target and are in need of some bottled water, might I suggest Archer Farms Natural Spring Water. The water's source is listed as The Kisatchie Spring, Webster Parish, LA. I googled that. Couldn't find dittely squat on it. I found Kisatchie state park, but it's not located in Webster Parish. No where in all the stuff I just looked at did it make mention of any spring in the area. So this leads me to believe one of two things. It's either not a for real spring or it's not a famous one. Doesn't matter, really... I'm suggesting the water because its of a decent price and I really, really like the way it tastes. It goes down with no icky aftertaste and its refreshing. I use to drink Evian for EVER. This stuff has Evian beat by a mile as far as taste goes.

Looks like the kids are getting out of school. I am off to practice my Crazy Cat Lady existence by being a stereotypical crazy cat lady. I think I'll go dig randomly in my yard since the kids like to walk through it every day. Maybe I'll mumble loud enough to be heard by young ears about how "I just MUST find Mittens... I know I left her here the other day..." Then sharply turn around and ask the poor kid if he's seen Fluffy. Yeah... I think I need a new hobby now that I think about it...

My Little Bunny Friend

Right now it is 42 degrees outside. Our high today should get up to around 64. Friday's high is expected to be 80. Texas weather is CRAZY. Seriously the only place on earth where you use both a heater and an air conditioner on the same day, several times a year. Okay, I'm sure there are other places, but I've never lived there, so they don't exist for me.

I've taken a couple of days off from writing my senseless blog. As have a lot of bloggers who were doing the NaBloPoMo thing. Not much reading online lately.

I have plans today of pulling out my Christmas decorations and going crazy... but I have found I don't really care one way or another if I'm all decorated up or not. I have finally started listening to Christmas music to try and get me in a Xmas mood or something, but I've only been listening for a couple of days, so it really hasn't sunk in yet. I can't say I'm really in a bah humbug mood or anything... just unenthusiastic about it all, I guess. I can remember a time in the recent past where I LOVED this season and all that it brought out in people, and the music and the pretty sparkley things and the lights!!! But with my finances the way they are, the only giving I'm doing this year is to the bill collectors. And that makes me kind of sad. Yes, I know about the true spirit of Christmas and what it really means and I'm all hip to that and totally enjoy spending time with my family far above any gifts I may receive... but still... you know?

My cats are already starting to get cabin fever and it's not even halfway through the cold season, yet. Libby is constantly picking on Jynx and making him cry and run away like a girl. Jynx is constantly picking on Spazz and when Jynx isn't looking, Spazz sneaks up and picks on Jynxy. Cricket is picking on everyone and I can't keep her from climbing on stuff and getting into things she shouldn't. Jynx and Cricket both have this internal drive to get into, and climb on top of, everything. Must be the stripes in them, I think. I'm curious what part of their kitty DNA makes them this way. They all got used to me coming home, or waking up and opening the back door for them to watch the birds and other creatures of the day and night on the back porch... which is as close as they come to actually being outside. I give them time to be out there, but I have to shut the door because it takes forever to warm up the house again once it's been cooled off by outside air. But they like to run in and out which, for some reason, is part of the fun of being out there, and now they have to make a choice. So they get about 15 minutes of "outside" time a day because when they are out there, they get cold, too and want to come in... going to be a long winter.

I think the last of my bunnies that lived here with me has met his demise via car. This happened last week, but I was too torn up over it to blog about it. I woke up early, like I did this morning, and got to my computer and opened my blinds so I could watch the traffic as I typed. I noticed the little thing hanging out in the middle of the street and was hoping he wouldn't get hit. After he didn't move from his spot for a while, I went outside and approached him and it was very apparent that he had been hit, yet not killed, and was unable to remove himself from the roadway. So I very carefully picked him up and moved him into my yard onto the grass. He was very alert and very tolerant of me as I sat next to him and petted his little head as he laid there waiting to die. I made him as comfortable as possible and went inside and cried for him. I could blame the drivers who don't pay attention to the road like they should. I know I'VE never hit a bunny, a squirrel or any other animal for that matter while driving. I pay attention. But I have seen these animals seriously jump out from the dark side of the roadway into the path of an oncoming car without notice and I know there are times when there is nothing you can do. But it makes me wish I lived on a street with no traffic at all. In a place where people don't drive cars and kill small animals.
Bunny Says Goodbye:

Rest in peace, my little friend. I hope you were happy while you lived here. I tried to give you treats you would like and me and my kitties always liked watching you and talking to you. I never got to pet you until you were dying, but you let me sit with you while you munched on yummy grass and ate the treats I set out for you. You brought peace inside of me while we sat outside together.

10 Things That Disturb Me...

1. That white flaky milk crisp that forms in the area of the opening of a milk jug/carton/bottle.

2. Turning 40.

3. People who talk to themselves in public.

4. Those big black balls of burnt crap that develop at the top of the wick on a candle after burning it a while.

5. Being in a public restroom and listening to someone else pee.

6. The mall.

7. That one hair that grows from my collarbone that has no pigment and can only be seen in sunlight, at just the right angle, and only after it has grown to be about 3 inches long.

8. Guns.

9. My obsession with Roller Coaster Tycoon.

10. Quiting smoking.

Blow Me Away

Never open you front door to let in the breeze (straight-line winds)until you pick up the pile of mail you sorted last night, yet left on the coffee table. Remember the computer paper? This house sits just right to maximize ventilation.

My son has a concert today at 1pm. They are playing at some music festival. I will be there long enough to see him play and say hey to him after they are done. If anyone that reads this in time wants to go, let me know. Or show up. Its at Dreamworld Music Complex, 3102 W. Division Street in Arlington. Tickets are $18.00 (I think). This is a music festival, so there will be bands playing all day... just so you get your money's worth. If you would like to hear a sampling, Sinclaire

30 Days...