Really... I LOVE My Job!

I worked a 12 and a half hour shift last night. Lots of stuff can happen in 12 hours... and lots of nothing can happen as well. When I work 12 hours, I am working half of evening shift and I am reminded during these times exactly why it is I work the shift that I do. It's called "crazy people". Some days it's "stupid people". Last night, though, it was the crazies. Wow.

I've mentioned before that I work for a pretty small city. Some nights we truly believe that crazy is in the water because the percentage of crazy people compared to non-crazy people is frighteningly close. Stupid people make up the difference.

The nice, normal people that I occasionally get a call from actually gives me hope for the human race from time to time... but that feeling of hope is never long lasting. I will never fear losing my job to downsizing because there will never be a lack of crazy stupid people and SOMEONE has to take those calls.

There are many more nights then not where I can just shake my head after a crazy call and move on. After so many years of doing what I do, it is somewhat sad that I deal better with people getting robbed and beaten then I do with crazy people. The calls of possible heart attacks, people getting body parts cut off, people shooting themselves in the head with nail guns are easy for me. It's all the other calls, which are the majority unfortunately, that drive me to want to drink strong alcoholic beverages when I get home.

If you have ever come across a situation where you were unsure if you should call your local police department, 911, or any other emergency service, or if you often call these places, here is some insight on what a seasoned employee of one of these places is thinking while talking to you and/or after we hang up the phone with you, taken directly from my almost 20 years of being in this line of work brain, on midnight shift: (in no particular order of annoyance)

I am NOT in animal services. If there is a dog running loose in your neighborhood, stay inside your freaking house. If said dog is trying to break down your door or window, fine... call me. We can come out and shoot the damn thing.

If a cat has had kittens in your back yard, do not call at 0230 in the morning when you know your local animal shelter is closed. We can't do anything about it, no matter how cute the kittens are. And please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT bring said kittens in a box to the police department! We have NO place to put these sweet things nor do we have any way to take care of them. Chances are, the momma would have been back to take care of them. Even though you THINK they are abandoned and you THINK you are saving them, the action of you scooping them up and bringing them to me, more times than not, has sealed their fate with death. A police department is NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH ANIMALS. Leave them alone and call your shelter during business hours.

If you come across an animal that has been severely injured, call me. We are not so inhumane that we won't pay our animal people overtime to come out and help the animal.

If you hear a strange noise in or around your house, do not hesitate to call me. Very rarely is it anything of significance, but it is always better to be safe than sorry.

A black male walking down the street does not constitute a suspicious person no matter what time of day or night it is. Now, if said man is stopping and looking into car windows, call me. If you see this man walking back and forth, walking around your neighbor's house and yard and you know he has no business there, call me. But come on people! You live in a neighborhood where 75 percent of the people are of African American decent. If you have problems with someone other than your own race, you need to move. They have as much right to walk down the street as you.

If you are a frequent caller because your husband keeps beating you up, we tend to start not having as much sympathy for you. This may seem cold to some of you, but when we have the same female calling every weekend because her husband has come home drunk and beaten her, and we respond, and we put the guy in jail, and 30 minutes later she is at our police department dropping the charges, our patience wears thin. We understand the psychology of women staying with men who beat them. We wish the ones who are truly scared and in need of help would call us more. Unfortunately, those usually aren't the ones calling the police every weekend. And you may hate me and never read my blog again for saying this, but our frequent callers are the ones who we "jokingly" say probably instigated the whole thing to start with.

Dear paranoid schizophrenics... you make me tired. Take your medicine! Quit calling me. Please.

When you dial 9-1-1 from your cell phone, I can not magically know where you are. If you do not know your address or where you are calling from, please, for the sanity of dispatchers everywhere, call from a land line. I understand that there may be instances where this is not possible. But do not get mad and yell at me and call me ugly names because you do not know where you are. This makes us not want to help you very much at all.

Teach your children that 9-1-1 is NOT for their amusement! Teach them that when they call 9-1-1 over and over again and tie up the 9-1-1 line, that someone who really may need our help could very well die because they think it is funny.

When you call me and are screaming into your phone I can NOT understand you. The louder you scream, the less I can understand you. I know that you are in duress and something major has happened and you are scared. But if I can not understand you, I can not help you. Stay as calm as possible when you call me and we can avoid wasting precious time by me telling you over and over to calm down.

Calling me and telling me your life's story is a waste of my time. If you have a problem, please limit the call to the problem at hand. I honestly don't care that your grandmother's niece's 2nd cousin is somehow related to my Chief of police. WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME? That's all I need / want to know.

I'm asking you all the questions because I'm NOT going to send my officer someplace and have him blindsided. I don't ask questions for fun. I ask questions because it's my job and unless you answer them, you no get no help.

I know that you think your teenager was wrongly incarcerated and that he/she is totally innocent because he/she would NEVER do drugs! I promise you, though, our officers have MUCH better things to do then plant the drugs we found in his/her pocket.

And much... much... more.