Getting Over It

In a phone conversation last night, a friend of mine asked me if I still thought of S. (S being the destroyer of my world a few years back, for those that don't know me personally) I immediately answered with a quick, "no". But I also immediately retracted my answer because it just wasn't true. I DO still think of him. And for that matter, I still think of ALL my past boyfriends. But what I HAVE achieved over the past 4 and a half years is, I don't MISS him any more. I think there will always be that hole in my heart, but isn't that true for anyone we have loved deeply, yet lost for whatever reason? Yes, there was a part of me that died the day he walked out the door... an innocence that I had been able to hold onto up until my late 30's. But with the death of that innocence came knowledge, with knowledge came wisdom, with wisdom came a happiness of self that I don't believe I could have achieved without the rest. I will never regret loving him. How can one regret love when it's the core desire of almost every human being on Earth?

Today's feature song is by Colin Hay. I think it fits here. Hope you enjoy!

Rain! Sort of...

I was almost home. The skies were dark and on a few occasions a rainbow would appear. Then something hit my windshield. It was a rain drop. And another, and another, until I had to actually turn on my wipers. I was amazed! I was fascinated! It felt like a new experience! I got home, got out of my car and the SMELL! Oh, glorious rain smell. I ran in the house and opened up my doors and I watched, enthralled, as the rain came down. A whole 1 minute and 30 seconds worth. Just enough to make the roads slick up with built up oil and to cause lots of accidents for rush hour. Heard the sirens start not long after I got in.

I'm icky this morning. Started yesterday morning. Nothing of consequence escaping the orifices, but I have a pretty bad constant pain in my stomach that has become unbearable the last two times I've eaten anything... which will cure any snacking desires... or meal desires, for that matter. Not that I'm having problems with any of that, except that I'm still not eating as much as I should. But I'll write more about that on weigh day which is coming up in a couple of days. In the meantime, I think I'll go curl up with a book and some air conditioning and start my days off rested and relaxed.

You, dear reader, should tell someone you love them today. Just because.

My Niece / Picture by KL

Music-licious

The current favorite song playing is from Zero 7. One of the songs off of the Garden State soundtrack. Probably one of my most favorite movie soundtracks ever. My daughter introduced me to the movie and from there I fell in love with the music. In fact, my daughter has introduced me to some of the best new music/indie music of all time. I have to give my son some credit as well... when I'm in the mood for some harder stuff, he's got the line on that as well. My kids ROCK! Can't say if my music tastes ever affected them, but we all share a very deep love for all kinds of music. I won't take complete credit for that... but I will take a little.

I think back to when I was their age and I know for a fact that my parents were never really interested in the music I listened to. Sure, we had some favorites that we shared, but my tastes were normally not theirs. Before this song that I have up now, I had an ABBA song playing. My liking ABBA I got from my Dad. I can remember sitting in our maroon Pontiac Bonneville with the moon roof, playing with the 8-track tape player, listening to ABBA. How sad that the younger generation will never be able to enjoy the clicking/clunking sound of changing tracks.

I will be featuring some of my favorite songs off the Garden State soundtrack in the coming days. Hope you enjoy and if there are ever any songs you would like me to put up, just shoot me an email. (address available in my profile section) I'll give you props in a post and maybe say some nice things about you as well.

Picture by KL (my daughter)

Disaster!

Most of my immediate family and friends know that I like to paint birdhouses. Most of my immediate family and friends say I need to sell them. I still don't know about all of that, but maybe someday. I have given away most of the ones that I have painted to friends and family over the years and all of them have been received with smiles. I have a tendency to not be able to paint a birdhouse unless I have someone in mind when I do one. But on occasion, I'll go outside of my comfort zone and just paint one for me. There are a few practice ones that I left at the other house for my Mom and Dad, and I hung one up a few months ago that had been sitting around for a couple of years. I recently made one for my Dad with a fishing theme. For any who don't know, he hand makes fishing lures and founded and owns his own business called Humdinger Lures. One of the things I added to his birdhouse were some shells. I still need to go over and take a picture of it. When I bought the supplies, I couldn't just buy like 6 or 7 shells. (they are small) No, I had to buy a thousand or so.

The other day I had this great idea on how to get rid of all the extra shells. I'd make a birdhouse and mosaic the shells completely covering the house. It was a good idea in theory and in my mind I thought it would look really cool. I also had gotten some real small sized roofing shingles (used on doll houses) and I wanted to try those out as well. Well... the results were not what I expected and I doubt I will even be able to hang this one outside just in case someone actually sees this thing. The glue I used on the shingles tends to expand as it dries and it DOESN'T dry clear so there was tan glue coming out of places that it shouldn't have. After removing as much of THAT disaster as I could, and tearing up a lot of the shingles in the process, I proceeded with the shell application. The finished product was just awful. Even my first houses that I practiced on are better than this monstrosity that I don't EVEN want to claim that I created. So here are some pictures of the ugly birdhouse, and my attempts to take a picture while my cats are awake and it's not them getting their pictures taken:

Faith

Hello Dolly

I don't know why it bugs me that they named a Hurricane Dolly. Maybe it's because I was sure hoping Dolly would bring us some rain and she didn't... maybe it's just the name. My thoughts go out to Padre Island and the work that will need to be done there... I'm sorry your town got creamed by a stupidly named Hurricane.

I like hurricane season because I don't travel and I don't live on the coast. But I like it more because during this time of year, it's pretty much the only chance of rain that we get for 6 months out of the year. My lawn is more or less a mowed hayfield, with yellow and brown being the predominate colors. My trees (the younger unknown type) are wilty and my butterfly bush looks like a big giant tumbleweed. My drought resistant Lantana have ceased flowering altogether. The only green in my yard is my front porch flower bed, which is a new one for this house because no one has ever been able to grow ANYTHING there. And it was accomplished simply by installing a well placed sprinkler.

The pretty green grass you may see in the back ground is my neighbor's yard. And the wetness is NOT rain, it's the well placed sprinkler. OH! And I have another watermelon vine this year. It presented itself a couple of weeks ago and is loving the well placed sprinkler. My goal is to harvest a watermelon this year... a good one. The one I picked last year I think I picked too early. It was okay, but not very sweet.

This is Cricket making a scary face while she sleeps. Silly kitty.

Bits

It was around 0130 am that I decided to turn on Kitty Cam. I was bored, you see. Well... it seems my problem NOW stands with the router set up, again. Every thing is saying the internet is working, and everything IS working internally with the network. But when I try to connect to my browser? Nothing. I can't tell you how many times I have re-set that thing. 50 maybe? Obviously there's a set up issue. I just don't know what it is. I might try and work on it today sometime. If I get bored enough. Which I probably will. I have found I have an amazing amount of spare time when the chores are not left to go to hell and everything is caught up. I know most of you are aware of that... it only took me 40 years to learn it.

If you've clicked the link for "Things You Might Not Know About Me" over there on the right, you know I wear contacts. I wear the extended-wear disposable. I won't divulge my contact habits. Lets just say I am frugal and leave it at that, mmmm'kay? So I couldn't see last night (this was before the Kitty Cam experiment)and I decided I should put in a new pair of eyes. Libby likes to help me brush my teeth, and wash my face, and my hands... basically anything that allows her to sit on the bathroom counter while I'm in da washroom. She likes to preen, too! Anyone who wears contacts knows how painful it is to get ANYTHING in the eyes while the contacts are in. This includes Libby fuzz. But of course, she's right there the whole time as I wash my hands, get my new contacts ready, get the solution on hand. I took out the left one, and when I did, it fell to the counter. I just left it there while I got the new one to put in. In a matter of 3.625 seconds after the contact hit the counter, Libby ran over, grabbed it, and took off with it. I thought at first she had just jumped down because she was bored, but when I got the new contact in and looked down at the old one... it was gone. And that's when I noticed Libby on the floor in the corner bouncing around and playing with something. When I went to investigate, it was my old contact. I took it away from her, of course. It was earlier in the day that I had to take a toy away because she was shredding it and eating the fuzz off of it. Cats are crazy.

The Big Plan

It amazes me how people change over the years. Physically, that is. What time can do is often cruel, but as I grow older it seems less cruel, and more interesting to see.

I have come into contact the last couple of years with people I knew when I was much younger and the changes that time have taken are obvious. Not in a bad way, though. Never in a bad way. The one thing that seems to always stay the same, though, are the eyes. On MySpace, they have a page for your high school alumni. I've searched through it, trying to recognize people, and aside from two or three, I just don't recognize any of them. It's an odd feeling. You spend 12 years going to school with these people and your mind tells you that you should recognize them... but you don't. It may be a bit different for me, though, because I never really kept in touch with those that I attended school with. But these people from my past that I have contacted again after so many years, I doubt I would have recognized them, if not for the eyes.

And on the opposite end of the scale, I don't notice the changes in those closest to me. I asked my mom one time... "Why can't I see my son as grown man? How come he still looks 16 to me?" She told me that was normal, but she assured me my son looked like a grown man, even though I would probably not ever be able to see it. I look at my parents, and although my Dad is just a couple of years away from 70, he still just looks like Dad. My grandmother, 104, still just looks like Nanny. Mom is just Mom. Now... when I look at my brothers, it's a bit different, but I think that has to do with the fact I don't seem them very often.

And then there's me. I feel I've aged quite a bit in just the last 5 years or so. Stress and the like can do bad things to a body. But I'm not terribly freaked out about it. But I wonder, when I see past friends, if they think to themselves, "WOW, she's gotten OLD!" And I know I have. A few years ago, after going through quite a bit of stress (midlife crisis), lots of drugs (prescribed by a psychiatrist), that I saw what stress and time can do to one's face. It was after I got off the drugs that I one day looked in the mirror and I will never forget seeing an old face staring back at me and me thinking, God I've aged! When did this happen??! I wonder, though... do we ALL hit a point where we look in the mirror and see old?

So I decided that on this day, the start of my weekend, I am going to do things to make me feel younger. Like maybe coloring my hair... working in the flowerbeds... running around and playing in the sprinkler. Okay, probably not that last one. I've gotten use to the gray hair framing my face. My fear is that I will color my hair, and instead of looking younger, I'll just look like an old fart with colored hair. The line is divided between my friends now. Some say color (my daughter is the loudest on this one because she tells me I'm NOT old, so quit trying to BE old) and some say wear my gray with pride. HA! Maybe I'll start a Gray Pride March.

Weather Report

It's HOT. It's hot. It. Is. Hot. We are officially starting the hottest part of the year now. This is what the weather will be like, and has been like for the last two weeks:

Bleh.

Am I Wrong?

I've said it before, I'll say it again... I truly believe sometimes that ignorance is bliss. And by ignorance I mean stupidity. And by bliss I mean you really piss me off.

Some days I hate the fact that my mind absorbs every little detail of every little thing... and every little nuance of people. Granted, on the positive side, this sitting back and seeing has helped me learn a lot about people in general, especially the ones I'm around often. The unfortunate part is that the people I'm around the most are the people I work with. It really is like a second family. It's very interesting how my job has changed me over the years. Yes, I will admit, that I'm warped in ways I've probably yet to discover. I don't feel that I chose to make a career out of dispatching. I feel that dispatching kind of chose me. I can't imagine doing anything else. Doing anything else scares the crap out of me. I believe that my job has turned me into a misanthropic hermit. My circle of friends and family are small, but I like it this way.

Like in any family, there's going to be someone, for whatever reason, on any given day, who irritates the fool out of you. It happens, we work through it, life goes on. But maybe you have an older brother... and maybe you only see this older brother once or twice a week. And maybe, just maybe, this older brother gets on your nerves more than any other older brother you have, or have ever had.

My older brothers are the best, by the way. I love them both, dearly, and I miss them every day. They were the coolest older brothers to have growing up as the baby sister. sniff...

Being a female (and I'm sure most of the females I know have experienced this at least once in their lifetime)when someone has already frayed a nerve or two, anything and everything they do is scrutinized... all the way down to how they tie their shoes. But my Mama raised me good, and most days the "it happens, we work through it" philosophy works like it should. I'm sure you've guessed by this point in the post, that there was an incident that went beyond my normal daily self control... especially seeing as how I'm blogging about it now.

The incident I'm about to describe would, under normal circumstances, be considered small and insignificant. The FIRST time it happened, I was able to shake my head and move on with my night, as I do almost every night I have to "work" with this individual. There have been past instances of conflict between us. Me, who gets along with everyone, lost all respect for this "man" a long time ago. So this is not me just bagging on someone because I was irritated last night. No, this is me, who has held her tongue so long and has kept her fingers from bashing him on the internet to the point that her head wants to es-plode. One of the commandments of blogging is, never bash your co-workers on the internet. Someone, somewhere, will read it and tattle. I'm okay with that, at this point. In fact, every week, I could write about him and be okay with that.

The big boss, whom I love and adore beyond words, gave this "man" a key to an office that controls the heating and cooling of the room that I sit in for at least 40 hours a week. It's a secured office, because it's the big boss's office. I've often questioned the reasoning behind this. But it's a supervisor thing, so I stay out of it. Not too long ago, I posted about my dispatch office and the unsecured doors because of the heat of all the computers. So last night I get to work and the temperature is as it should be. I'm Goldilocks and the air is juuuuuust right. About 0200 (2am), the "man" comes in and makes a point in asking me, "Are you hot?" My response is, "Nope. I'm very comfortable, thank you." At which point, he walks down the hall, opens the big boss's door and proceeds to crank down the air conditioner. To understand where I'm coming from here you need to know a few things. First of all, this is the second time he's come to me, making a special point in asking me if I was hot, me telling him no, and him immediately walking down the hall and cranking down the air. Second of all, he usually doesn't ask. He usually just goes in and cranks down the air. And he always waits till I'm there to do it. And lastly, I'm not talking about making it a couple of degrees cooler. I'm talking, "Eskimo Kill". I have to go to our break-room and stick my head in the freezer to warm up.

Now... I'm all about giving someone the benefit of the doubt. I know these guys are wearing polyester, a bullet proof vest, a 30 pound gun belt, and that it's a billion degrees outside. And what may turn my nose and fingertips blue, probably feels really good to them. But there is one significant thing I have yet to divulge. And this other thing is what makes me stop and go, HUH? And if this exact scenario had not happened, play by play, on a previous occasion, I probably would have just shook my head and gone on with my night, as I usually do.

The kicker to this whole thing... after he makes a point in asking my opinion of the air's condition, and after totally disregarding the fact that I said I'm fine and walking down the hall and cranking down the air anyway, he leaves. Yes, folks, he does. He doesn't stop to use the bathroom... he doesn't stop in his office to do paperwork... he cranks down the air, closes the door, walks past his office and turns out the light, and leaves the building. It takes approximately three and one half minutes before my fingers lose all feeling in them and frostbite ensues.

I've tried to rationalize it. And the only thing I can come up with, is on the two nights he's made it a point to ask me, he's feeling unusually mean and spiteful. But again, I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt and if he was just coming in, cranking down the air and then walking out, fine. He did that for a while, in fact. But the simple action of him coming up to me, showing concern for my comfort, then, by what can only be interpreted as a complete disregard for me as a person (this conclusion does not just come from this incident alone. There have been several incidences of total disregard for me, and many others) and acts as if I didn't even speak... well... it makes this misanthropic hermit want to take a tazer and "light him UP!" Someone once described him as a Rat Bastard. The name has stuck (not to his face, of course) and on the nights he does stuff like this, I think it is too kind of a description.

Boredom

It's been a very long time since I have been truly bored. But that's what I spent most of yesterday being. I paced, I read, I tried to find something to watch on TV or the computer, I paced some more, I got a little lonely, and finally went to bed at 8pm and read for an hour until I couldn't stand it any more and I just went to sleep. I woke up about 0130 for a bathroom break and I was going to get up then, but knowing there was nothing to do if I WERE to get up, I just went back to bed. Slept a total of 9 hours which ,at least for the past 5 or 6 years, is truly a sleeping record for me. But along with sleeping so long, I woke up and my body feels as if it's been in one position all night, so my back is stiff and somewhat sore. Have you even woke up during the night and realized your arm has been extended completely straight for probably hours and then when you try to bend it, you actually have to pick it up with your other hand because it hurts too bad to move it? That's the same feeling I have in my back... or had. It's a soreness that goes away quickly with movement and mine is almost gone already. Yeah, I know... it's old age and I need to go ahead and just get use to it. But I'm not use to it, because my back rarely hurts, if only because I usually only sleep 4 to 5 hours a day.

I look forward every week to my weekends so I can just get stuff done. I normally spend most of my weekend procrastinating on getting that stuff done. Well, I got all that stuff done on Wednesday which left me nothing to worry about doing, and nothing to actually do, on Thursday. In fact, I was SO bored yesterday, that I actually plugged in Kitty Cam for the first time since I threw up my hands. Nothings changed on that, by the way. I'm still an idiot.

Tonight I go back to work. Tomorrow I get to work 12 hours. That part time dispatcher we hired a couple of weeks ago? Yeah, well, he's now the full time animal control officer. One of our dispatchers left yesterday for a 10 day trip to Florida. I am not complaining about the over time. Number one, it gives me something to do and number two I REALLY need the extra money.

Number three, this has got to be one of the lamest posts I've ever written... not that the rest of my posts are any better, but I'm forcing myself to write a post today because the rest of the blogs that I read rarely post every day and there was nothing to read this morning.

This is called a wordle. I took a famous poem by a famous poet and this is what it came up with. Can you guess what famous poem this is just by these most common words used? Your hints are: The poet is male and dead. The bigger the words are, the more they are used.

Okay... I will spare you any more pain and I will end this post now.

Cats

It never ceases to amaze me what my cats will do while I'm away at work...

I Love Security Cameras

Hot

When I was very young, I use to lie awake in bed listening to my brothers wrestle in the next room. They would make tons of noise banging up against the walls and the beds. My Dad use to get SO mad at them. I remember one time he was so mad, he stormed into their room and took the door off the hinges. I didn't see this happen and I don't remember if I heard it happen, or if it was something my brothers just told me had happened.

Here's a cool picture from my daughter's trip:

Post # 200

Have you ever had one of those days where things are just weird? Off? It's almost like Déjà vu, but not really. It's like "something" is going to happen, but then nothing ever does. Well, I'm having one of those days. It feels like when I was a teenager and I did something I know I'm going to get in trouble for when I get home... that tense moment before I walk in the door to face the wrath. I hope this passes soon.

I'm ready for Fall. I'm ready to be cold again. I'm ready for this awful heat to be replaced by falling leaves and warm snuggly sweaters and hot chocolate (sugar free, of course!).

There was a time, when I was younger, that my family would get together just because. Not for a holiday, but just to get together. We'd play poker, or swim, or both. We'd laugh, enjoy each other's company, sometimes drink too much. We haven't had one of those times where we were all together like that in a long time. Unlike a lot of families, there was never any arguing, or fighting, or talking bad about each other. We've just always enjoyed each other's company. The bad things that came our way, we stuck together and got through them. I miss my family.

I'm thinking there's some kind of instinctual thing going on with the girl kitties. It has seemed that Libby has been in constant heat for a month straight now. Cricket has shown no signs of being in heat. Today I get home and Libby is fine, but now Cricket is in heat. They have never been in heat at the same time. I'm wondering if there is some kind of pack instinct with cats in regards to this.

I feel a rearranging of the living area soon. I haven't done that in a while.

I wish for you a normal non-off day.

Summer Daze

Not much to talk about lately. It's been boring as usual. No major catastrophes to speak of. I got my lawn mowed yesterday with no complications. I saw a hummingbird on the Lantana that is growing outside of the window by the computer. And at one point I heard a major bird ruckus on my front porch and when I peeked to see what was going on, there were about ten birds on and hanging from the moss rose that I put in the planter on the front porch. I couldn't tell if they were eating bugs off the flowers, or actually eating the flowers, but they were enjoying themselves quite a bit. Since I don't have my camera at the moment...

No, they weren't blackbirds... and there were more then three... and they were moving around a bit more...

Speaking of my camera, my daughter should be on her way home from Colorado as I'm typing this. I'm looking forward to seeing all the cool photos she took. She took some good ones last time they went.

Today is my oldest brother's birthday. Happy Birthday bro!

Puppy

I spent the night at work last night with a puppy. Couldn't tell you how old he was... or her. Not really sure about dogs. Grabbed an old stuffed bear we had laying around up there and watched him play with it most of the night. He slept in my arms as we watched a documentary on the Maya writings. He peed on the floor a total of 6 times and pooped three times. I had no idea dogs went that often. No wonder I have cats. My love for animals is well known at work. Comments were made about me taking him home. Dogs are not for lazy people. I didn't bring him home.

I just realized I have not updated on my weight progress. Nothing to tell, though. I only lost one pound. This makes me sad, but not discouraged at all. It tells me that I need to change more then I'm already doing and I'm okay with that. In the last 5 minutes, I have seen three runners and 4 bicyclists. It's obvious what I need to change.

I still haven't mowed my lawn. tee hee I'm feeling so rebellious!

Nothin Much

I'm still getting dressed about to go mow the lawn... doesn't matter that it's been 2 days now. I like to live on the Code Enforcement edge! Oh, my! I'm such a wild child!

The pain of the rain has finally left me. As have the fleas. My cats have done nothing but sleep peacefully for the past couple of days.

My daughter left for Durango, Colorado last Thursday. Taking her yearly trip with my brother, sister in law and my niece to new and exciting places. She also took my digital camera so no new pics for a while. I have tons of old ones anyway that I can always use. Like this one of Libby when she was no bigger than a remote:

Here's a picture that's REALLY old. I call this my Texas Snowman seeing how there was barely enough snow to make him and the fact that he's in a pool chair hanging out by the pool:

I use to make my kid's mums when they were in high school. This was for my son's girlfriend:

I also did the armband mums for my daughter's boyfriends. They were just as gaudy:

Outside Time

It's 0640 and after this post, I'm off to get dressed to mow the lawn. Don't want to. But I have to. With the rain we had, I actually do have more then a few whispies to take care of.

So while I'm out being responsible, Have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

Goings On

Yesterday arrived the Frontline. Last night after I woke up, I applied. By about 2am, the cats were scratching a LOT! But I soon realized why.

Libby loves going to the bathroom with me. After she reaches up and gives me a big stretch, she'll jump up on the sink area and sit with me. Here lately, with the fleas so bad, she would sit up there and scratch and flea leavings would be covering my sink area. When those flea leavings become wet, you are able to see why fleas are so harmful to your animals. Those flea leavings are mostly the dried excreted blood of your loved pet. So I've kept the can of Lysol out and have been cleaning up this mess on a daily basis. Last night she was up there scratching and scratching and she is white enough for fleas to be very visible on her. The fleas were literally falling off of her. And when they would land on my sink, you could tell they were somewhat still alive, yet dying quickly. I am thinking the fleas are all doing a little death dance on the kitties which is what's causing them to scratch so much. This morning, though... things are a lot less scratchy. All of my kitties got foamy mouths from licking this stuff off of the area where they shouldn't be able to reach, but do anyway, but that is common for that to happen and they seem fine this morning.

My rain pain is kicking my butt. It's been over a week now with no relief. The pointer finger on my right hand is so swollen right now, I can hardly bend it. Looks like a sausage finger.

***edit***
Just did an inspection on Libby. I could not find one single flea. Yea for Frontline!!!!! Less then 24 hours after application!