Some days I think back to what it was like having a man around on a daily basis. I think about the good and the bad and the bad being mostly sacrifices that were worth making because of a partnership and caring and love.
I joke about the longer I am single the less likely I will be able to EVER sacrifice for a guy. And every time I think about having that guy around on a daily basis, the less of a joke this becomes.
I use to have a pretty high tolerance level for men's different idiocies. Now, I find, I'm overly intolerable of the most minute things. Where once my life was all about "him", I have traveled to the dark side and now everything is about "me", and who cares what "he" thinks. And it's not a case of me being uncaring. I think I've just forgotten HOW to care. Which is kind of sad because I used to be all about the caring.
So on this journey of self discovery I have to wonder... have I lost part of myself in the process? A part that most men really seemed to be attracted to. I sometimes feel a part of me has returned to the naive and unsure 15 year old girl that I once was. But it's worse because I'm a 40 year old who remembers not being naive and unsure at one time... or maybe I just thought I wasn't.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
40, White, Single, Naive, Female Seeks What?
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4 comments:
...interesting.
I think you're just getting to know yourself better as the years go by--a good thing! I'll bet you still have room in your life & heart for the right guy. Best wishes! :)
Every time I live with a man I long for single days. Every time I live without a man, I long to share my life with a man. I think we can be happy however we chose to live. There are pros and cons to both. One thing is for certain, we cannot look for someone else to "complete" who we are. We must feel complete with ourselves before we can share our lives with someone else. Just look how much time we waste looking for someone to be exactly what we need to feel complete. When the keys is inside of us the whole time.
By the way, knowing you like I do... men should be lined up to be with you!
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