National Drive Like Shite Day

Yeah, I KNOW! I didn't know it was today either!

Here's the rules:

1. While driving on the highway, only go two speeds. 50mph or 75mph.
1a. If you are driving 50mph and someone starts to pass you, be sure you notch it up to 75 at that point in time... just because that's the way you roll.
1b. If you choose to drive the 50mph choice, always, ALWAYS make sure you are driving next to someone in the opposite lane who has also chosen the 50mph speed.

2. Never, under ANY circumstances, use your blinker.

3. Do not stop at stop signs.
3a. If you accidentally make a complete stop, make sure you time it just right so that when you pull out in front of someone you either make them swerve to avoid hitting you, or you make them slam on their brakes.

4. Same as number 3 but at all red lights you happen upon.

5. Find someone to tailgate. Doesn't matter who. Could be someone driving 75mph or 50mph. It's your choice!
5a. Preferably, find someone who is stuck behind the two cars that are side by side doing 50mph because by tailgating THAT person, you will make ALL the traffic start to move faster, especially the car in front of them.

6. Change lanes as much as possible. Don't forget to NOT use your blinker!

7. Do not let ANYONE enter the freeway. If you see someone driving up the on-ramp, it's YOUR job to speed up and block them.

8. Choose the time you want to clean out your vehicle to be the same time you are driving on the freeway, because you don't let Texas mess with you.
8a. Be sure to flick your lit cigarettes out of your car window, especially during high fire times, which in Texas is 365 days a year.

9. The faster that you drive between red lights, the better, because let's face it... we all KNOW you want to be the first one there.

10. Do not follow any other traffic law that I did not mention above. This includes, but is not limited to: Yielding... to anyone for any reason, maintaining a single lane (Hey! It's Memorial Day weekend! We have to start our drinkin' early... YA'LL), taking the time to look before you change lanes, etc., etc.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!