Being Single

MY MAN HISTORY
1. Officially, my very first boyfriend was M. He asked me to be his girlfriend three days before 7th grade let out for the summer. He didn't call the whole summer. I don't think we even held hands for the three days we had left in school. I was probably around 14 at the time. I still talk to M on occasion, even to this day.

2. Next came P. He was my first "serious" boyfriend. I use quotes here because, really, how serious can one be at 15? The last time I talked to P was last Christmas because ironically, my brother is married to P's older sister.

3. Then there was M. I met M at church camp. M lived in Dallas. We were pen pals and phone pals (depending on how much we wanted to spend on long distance charges) and Six Flags pals. I adore M to this day. He knows it, though. I found him on MySpace a year or so ago and we are now email pals (when I'm not writing on here and using up all my words for YOU people). He's as gorgeous now as he was at 16. He will always be my tall, dark and handsome.

4. Next is S. S was not a nice person. I will never understand my affection for him. MySpace works both ways because he found ME on there. I didn't write him back.

5. J was after S and J will be in my life forever I suspect. He's a dear friend. I talk to him at least 3 times a week, usually. He is one of the very few people who know me inside and out... with nothing hidden. He is my BFF... for real.

6. I then married K. K is the father of my two children. To give you a time line here, I was 17 when I got married. I will never be able to say that it was a mistake that he and I got married, because he gave me the two greatest children of all time. He and I ended up being two very different people with two very different views of the world and our purpose in it. Since my daughter graduated from high school, I've only talked to him a couple of times.

7. Next came R. Sweet, boring R. Not much else to say here. It's been many, many years since I've talked to him. Zzzzz...

8. Let's see... that brings us to K. K was a bunch of firsts for me. He was the first blond guy I ever dated. He was the first police guy I ever dated. He was the first habitual liar I ever dated. He was the funniest guy I ever dated. After a couple of years of not talking after we broke up, he calls up to my work on occasion now and we'll share gossip and a few laughs.

9. Last of all... S. S broke my heart into a million pieces. S changed the course of my life. S managed to hurt my entire family. I have a very hard time remembering who I was back then... 4 years ago, now. Most of those years spent very bitter and very angry. I think I would probably throw up if I ever had to talk to him again.

Which brings me to the here and now and the revelations of my love life. There was little to no time between any of these boyfriends. For the last 4 years, there's BEEN only time, for the most part. I think I've made the remark before, though... the longer I am single like I am... the harder it is to imagine it any other way. And I'm okay with that. I truly am.

But let's say someone were to come up to me tomorrow and ask me, 'hey... if there was just one thing you missed about having a guy around all the time, what would it be?' And my answer is the reason I am sitting here writing about this now. I have this awful, awful pulled muscle in my neck and back and DARN what I wouldn't give for a man to be around right now to massage that thing out! At times it feels as if someone is stabbing me in the back. I've never had this before and the only thing I keep thinking is, if only I had a man around. But just long enough to make this feel better and out he goes again! Or then again... maybe if I place catnip at just the right points on my back...