S/W/F searching for...

I don't believe you can officially be a crazy cat lady unless you are single... and are happy about it. I'm official. I have a certificate and everything!

When it first happened, it wasn't by my choice. It was not some grand scheme to "find myself" or needing more time to myself. No... it was just a simple breaking of my heart that led me to where I am sitting at this moment. It's been almost 4 years now. I tell myself and others that I am over it... and I truly think I am! But in my deep dark psychoanalytical mind, there's the teeniest wee voice asking me... are you REALLY? There are things in my daily life that are questioned by friends... things that they tell me aren't normal.

I'm a complete hermit. I don't go out. I don't do things that would be fun and that I would like to do. Live concerts, movies, hanging out with friends, long walks on the beach at sunset... Nope. None of that. When I get in my car, I'm going to work. And I admit, it sounds rather pathetic. But is it MORE sad the fact that I LIKE it this way? I hear my friends talking about going out and doing this or meeting up with friends and doing that... and I'm always fascinated with these stories and thinking how much fun that would be to do some of that stuff... but then I worry that I'm not going to have that extra 17 hours to sit in front of the computer, or make my cats exhausted with the laser pointer or some other anti-social activity. If it were someone else, I'd immediately think they were depressed and needed to get out of the house and do something. But I'm NOT depressed. I'm very happy with my life at this moment. I enjoy my solitude. I'm just not sure, though, if I'm enjoying it because of some subconscious result of "the breakup". (And yes, actually, I COULD self analyze myself to death)

I put up profiles on dating internet sites just to laugh and make fun of the guys that are interested in me. I think I'm serious when I'm filling them out... but then I start getting responses... and you have to at least give me some credit in the fact that most of the guys that ARE on internet dating sites probably deserve my jesting and pointing. Sometimes I'll get a catchy little email and I think that this guy seems pretty cool... only to be fooled in the end. (this actually gives me an idea of some blogging material later on. It could be my EMAIL OF THE WEEK section where I post a new ridiculous attempt at finding his "soul mate")

That's pretty much my life. But it's quiet and it's calming and I'm only crying during episodes of EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER or THE BACHELOR. But I'm a girl so I'm allowed.