This house, it smells of home

My grandmother is 103 years old as of this posting. She's full of life, she's still got that spark and I keep telling her she's going to live to be 120. Her response is always the same: "Oh, no, honey... I don't want to live to be THAT old!"

I spent a lot of time with my Nanny growing up. I love her dearly, as do most people when they meet her. I live in her house now. Moved in June of 2006. This house is old, but it holds so many dear memories. The house is the same as when I was younger, yet the surrounding landscape, where once it held fields and horses and fishing ponds, now holds houses all around. But there is a sense of peace when I walk in from work, or when I tend the flowerbeds that hold bulbs that are ancestors of bulbs from my grandmother's grandmother. The red spider lillies are just about done now, but they are beautiful while they last. Next Spring I will delve more in depth on what treasures lie beneath the soil here at my home.

All houses have their own smell. I'm talking good smells here, not cat piss smells or dog shit smells... the kind that remind you of family and days long gone. You don't notice this smell while you're inside... but if you leave for any amount of time and return, you will walk in and be greeted by your house through smell. I walked in from work this morning and there it was... my home telling me, "good morning", and asking, "how was your night?" And always... "welcome home". But most of all it smells like my grandma. No, not dusty old lady smell. But a distinct smell all the same. A smell I will forever associate with my Nanny.

The story of how I came to live here is an in depth one... another blog for another day. But I don't own this house, my dad does now. In a few years I'll have to make a very hard decision. Do I stay and decide to buy this home, which needs a lot of work... a place that means so much more then just a roof over my head... or do I go and leave behind yet another part of myself for a different house, without a welcoming smell? The one part of my life that causes me any kind of stress is not knowing where I'll be planting my roots. I need that kind of security in my life, and I often times feel very much in limbo. I'm thankful, though, that I have a couple of years to decide either way. Because either way, it's going to be a hard decision.