Happy Sunday

Another Camera-less Moment

Seriously... I have to have my camera back. If I don't take pictures as soon as I think about it, I forget later that I was going to take a certain picture and it never gets taken.

Here's a list of things I want to take a picture of, but can't.

1. My porch garden progress
2. Found the first watermelon
3. Me sneezing
4. My sore arms
5. My mowed and edged and weedeated yard
6. This thing growing on my arm
7. My toenails
8. My clean house... oh, wait... nevermind
9. The cats in various poses and actions
10. Anything else that catches my fancy

Daughter dearest! Bring my camera home! Or I'll have to find some really old pics that you don't like and post them here... like these:

Overslept

I got half of my yard work done yesterday. The "easy" lawn mower is down because of two flat tires. The push mower doesn't have tires that go flat. So I pushed it until it ran out of gas. And since I pilfered my lawn mower gas when I was financially unbalanced, I couldn't just fill it up. So today the plan was to wake up early, go get gas, finish the yard. But I went out last night, stayed out WAY too late, or early depending on your prospective. Went and saw The Dark Knight in an IMAX theater and it was most awesome. Almost 3Dish. Can't tell you how many times I almost jumped out of my seat. And then I slept till almost 8am.

Since my day is already running late, I'm going to run out the door and get my yard finished. I don't have very long before it gets to be too hot.

Happy Birthday, J

Today you are REALLY old. In two years you will be REALLY, REALLY old... right now you're just REALLY old.

For you, a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IWrVCxrna4

For the rest, the video:

Too Much Hair

So I have shedding issues. My hair. Have had these issues for a while now. Doctor says it's because I have hypo-thyroidism. I'm currently not taking any medication for that. So I'm still shedding.

It's also come to my attention that lately anytime I braid my hair (which is almost always), the top of my head becomes very sore. I'm a loose braider because I know with constant strain on the hair it becomes damaged and the hair falls out. Well... I've noticed my hair getting thinner and very noticeably so. When I don't braid my hair, or pull it back with a band, I have no soreness. So I'm thinking the weight of my hair when it is braided becomes more concentrated on certain hairs and the longer my hair gets, the heavier the braid becomes. And it's hard to do pretty much anything with long hair blowing in your mouth, or in your eyes, or getting stuck under your armpits, or sitting on it, getting food in it... and since I braid it almost every day, what's the point in having long hair anyway? I'm thinking short and spiky... like this maybe:

Yeah... you know I'd never do something like that... on a normal day...

Last One

The last song in the Garden State compilation is up and by a band called Frou Frou. The lead singer, Imogene Heap, has lots of solo stuff out as well, which I prefer to the Frou Frou stuff.

With such a rainy week last week, my lawn is screaming to be mowed. I often wonder about that person who called Code Enforcement on me and if they are looking at my yard as they pass in a disapproving manner. I often times hope so. But even so, I hate driving up and looking at it myself. It doesn't bother me when I'm inside, though.

Tonight is my Friday already. I thought this week would drag by because one of my regular officers is on vacation in Mexico. I've had to work with weird officer combinations and some that I don't work with very often. My nights have been very quiet and I have next week to get through as well. I never realize how much this officer and I actually socialize until he's gone. His wife calls me his work wife. She says it with respect because I know she counts on me to get her love home safe to her every night. I've been doing this for about 15 years now and I've yet to fail at this. I hope that when I retire I can still say it.

First Day Of School

It's like mini-van central out there this morning... and will be again this afternoon. That's one thing I always wanted when my kids were younger. But because I was always poor, and still am if we're counting, my parenting vehicles included small economy sized cars which were constantly stuffed with kid paraphernalia like Euphoniums, marching flags, backpacks, trash, old lunches, beer bottles, crack pipes... oh wait... different story with those last two. It's hard for me to write paraphernalia in a paragraph and not include crack pipe and beer bottles. Job hazard and all.

My cats are all in a circle watching a poor defenseless bug. I just reached for my camera to take a picture, but alas... it absconded with my daughter... again. You'll just have to use your imagination.

On my frozen Healthy Choice dinner box it reads: Empty contents onto a dinner plate to enjoy the meal even more. But sirs, you don't understand! Part of the glory of eating a frozen dinner is the lack of dishes that will have to be washed later.

PJ the cat has moved into his new apartment... with a puppy. I'm trusting my daughter will be taking lots of pictures that I can use for blog material later on.

Here's some pictures of Jynxy while he is sleeping:

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Today is my father's birthday. Happy birthday!

Yeah... I'm not feeling very Hallmark-y. I guess I'll have to buy him a card.

Saw the funniest thing yesterday. My daughter and I were getting money orders and raiding ATM machines yesterday and we pulled up to her bank's ATM and there on the DRIVE-UP ATM was a sign that read, "For the visionally impaired, push button and wait for instructions".

There are so many things wrong with this on so many levels. First of all... the sign isn't even in Braille. Second of all, I want a video of the blind person who is driving. And third of all, if your buddy who is probably driving you around reads you that sign, why is there a need for audio instructions? Why can't your buddy read you the same thing?

Fly Away Little Bird

And so her car was crammed to maximum capacity, not leaving much room, if any, to see out of her windows. With her she carried over half of my income for a month in money orders, my digital camera, and alcohol for tonights celebration of being on her own with her friends yet again. The only evidence left indoors of her ever being here, is the cat... who will get to spend one more night.

As I peeked through a window and watched her car drive away, I was struck by the sudden sadness of being on my own... yet again. I realized at that moment that it doesn't matter that she's 20 years old... my heart will always break a little when I see her drive away to be on her own, away from my protective gaze, into a mean world where I won't be able to give instantaneous hugs when they are needed.

Dining Out

Dining out is not conducive to successful healthy eating. Although I make the best choices that I can, it's all the other little extra things that get in the way... like hot fresh bread, Ranch dressing, chips and salsa, or that dessert I just HAD to have.

Tai food was a no go yesterday. The place we were going to go did not open until 5pm and we set out at 3pm. Our second choice, Texas Roadhouse, didn't open until 4pm so we sauntered over to Border's Books and hung out in the cafe with a wonderful glass of iced tea, conversation, and checking out the hot book smart guys.

My choice for dinner was grilled chicken salad, but I had Ranch dressing which pretty much voided out the healthy aspect of choosing a salad. And then there were the rolls... hot, fresh, cinnamon buttered rolls.

Thankfully, my stomach is used to very small meals so it doesn't take me long to fill up and I am good at quitting when I'm full. I try not to see the wastefulness of leaving so much food, so I tell myself what I leave there won't go with me on my hips so it's easier leaving what I do.

I've not exercised since my daughter came to visit. Granted, I'd only just began when we moved her back in, but I've not been back out since she got here. I don't blame her at all. It's been my choice. But I've noticed a laziness about myself since she's been back, which is what got me in trouble in the first place. The hardest part about losing weight is the all consuming "ME" aspect of it. There is no room for anyone else in there and when they are there, "ME" ceases to exist and then it becomes her... or him... or them. Granted, I've not gone wild over here by eating anything and everything within reach... but I've not been diligent like I should be.
There were a LOT more good choices that I made compared to the few bad choices that I felt totally guilty about.

So all in all, when I step on the scale in about 10 days, I've promised myself I'm not going to be upset by what I see. I still feel wonderful, and that, more then losing weight, has been my goal all along.

Pronto Adios, Mi Amor

The last few days with my daughter at home are winding down. Today I will be introduced to Tai food. I was told it's like Chinese food except with SO much more flavor. I'm not that crazy about Chinese food, but I'm always willing to try new stuff. My daughter has a way of doing that to me and it's one of the favorite things about her that I like. I will miss her as I always do, but here are some things I won't miss when she leaves me on Saturday:
Cat boxes in my room
Sneaky PJ (I have to admit, though... our little system of letting him out for small increments has worked very well and he's not really been a bother at all)
Higher Utility bills

And those I had to really think about. The cat boxes in my room are the top priority when she's moved out. Nothing like waking up in the middle of your sleep to either the sound of litter being rearranged and/or the smell of freshly laid poops.

I've enjoyed her company very much the last couple of weeks. Seeing her smiling face every day, hearing about things going on outside of my house, just getting to do stuff with her. It will be hard, yet again, to see her go.

Unaware

Driving home from work this morning I got behind a female driving a mid-sized, newer model vehicle. It had rained in that area pretty much off and on all night. When I first got on the highway, the typical rain water from the roadway splash was heavy... then I drove out of the area and the roads were completely dry and there was no rain, not even a mist. Yet this female left her wipers on the entire 20 mile trip until I exited the highway. How can one person be so unaware of what is going on around them that they would drive for 20 miles with their wipers on? I've seen this happen before so it's not something that I've never seen happen... but usually... USUALLY, they eventually get turned off or it's an older person who is driving. Not 20 miles worth of middle aged unawareness. And it bugged me the entire time. I passed her once and I've never been one to look over into other people's cars when I'm driving, but I couldn't resist. Totally oblivious to anyone or anything outside the interior of her car.

People bug me. I must be feeling better!

I've Been Cheating On You, Internetz...

It's a funny thing... I have a routine that I go through when I'm blogging. I can usually only write at a certain time of day. I like music in the background. Can't have the TV on AT ALL. You would think with 8 hours to spend at work I would blog there, but I just can't, usually. To say my routine has been a bit broken the last week would be calling it spot on. Since I'm sharing my time with my daughter right now, I have given up a lot of my computer time when she is home from work. I don't mind really. I actually haven't missed it that much which surprises me a little. But I've been distracted with my free time, readers, and was totally engrossed in this series of books my daughter introduced me to. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I just finished the fourth novel... since I opened the first one last Tuesday. A week ago. 4 novels.

The series is by an author named Stephanie Meyer and is called The Twilight Series. I believe the audience these books were written for is suppose to be for young adults, but my 40 year old mind was hooked on this story the moment I opened the first book. There is a 5th book being written, but it is more of a bonus book. The series is written in first person and the 5th book is from another's perspective. Wikipedia has a basic rundown on each of the books and each of the characters if you care to take a look-see.

So I'm done now. Until the 5th book appears. For those that were worrying about my absence, thanks but I'm okay. For those that didn't even notice I was gone, thanks for reading today! For any co-workers that stop by, I PROMISE I will get my work done tonight! See? I have no book with me! For my brother who's retirement party that I had forgotten I missed until this morning, sorry bro. 40 years old and all, I kind of have to be reminded of stuff 150 times. Ask my kids... they know the routine. And I am now a member of Borders Book Club.

I would promise not to go away for so long again, but I can't make that promise. Sometimes, I might just have to walk away for a few days, for varying reasons. I wasn't expecting to be gone so long, though. Forgive me?

LIBBY FOUND A FRIEND
LIBBY AFTER NOMS
SPAZZ ASLEEP ON PJ'S TOY
BUNK BEDS
COOLEST THING E V E R!

Song Updated

New Song called New Slang by the Shins is up. I found the more I listened to the Simon and Garfunkel song I had up, the more I really, really liked it. But then again, it's hard not liking ANY of the their songs.

Woe-Is-Me

I will never be an alcoholic. I've made some decent attempts in my life, yet alas... my aversion to the taste alone has kept me sober. A night out on the town (with a dedicated driver), a group of friends at a party... I'm there... I'm drinking. But sitting home alone tonight, I realized one thing... it's just really no fun to drink by myself. It's not yet 10pm and what two drinks have accomplished is a slight buzz, an icky feeling in my stomach and lots of pacing. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself, but everything I normally do to pass the time is boring tonight. I don't want to watch a movie, I tried painting, listening to music, playing with the cats... it all seems a little lame right at the moment. So I now have a diet Pepsi in front of me, writing a blog post because I suddenly feel the need to vent somehow, yet I'd rather not bother any of my friends with a woe-is-me phone call. Lucky you, reader.

When I'm done here, I'll grab a book and retire to my bedroom and escape with my imagination. I'm sure I'll get sleepy pretty quick, seeing as how I've been yawning since after the first drink, and go to bed so I can start anew tomorrow. I'll save my boozing it up for parties (I've not been to a party in YEARS), and nights out on the town (maybe twice in the last two years), and be content that alcohol will never be a problem for me.

Some people say they drink because they are lonely. I have discovered tonight that drinking actually MAKES me lonely. I can do with out lonely in my life.

80's Flashback

If you are a long haired male, in your 40's, stuck in the 80's, likes to wear leather pants and you can't seem to let Dime-Bag Darrell go, then I have the place for you to go! It's called the Rockstar Bar and it's located off of the service road of I35 between Alta Mesa and Sycamore School Road. And if you are driving too fast, and it's night time, then you will drive right past it because their sign doesn't light up.

Aside from some of the freaks that were occupying the same room as me, I have to say I had the time of my life last night. Granted, at one point, it was a little weird knowing I had dragged my kids to this place (regardless of the fact that neither of them are teenagers any more) and after my 3rd Cape Cod I got a "MOOO-OOOOM" in stereo from both of my kids. I think I've only drank one other time in front of them their entire lives.
Our group included these lovely faces:
My whole reason for going to this place was to see an old friend whom I haven't seen in about 8 years and watch her perform with the band that she is in called The Michelle Johnson Band. Our first entertainment was a bluesy guitar player who was actually pretty good standing up there all by himself. I have no idea what his name was. The second performance was painful. Not at first, mind you... but I think these guys played like 50 songs and by the time they announced that they were playing their last song, everybody in the place applauded the fact that the torture would be over soon. Three guys... 50ish... a guitar player, a bass player and a drummer and I can't remember a single song they played. All I kept thinking was... dooood... you guys need to grow up and keep it in the garage. This was the general feeling around the room:

Then The Michelle Johnson Band was up and they rocked the house. Their lead guitar player, Greg Marks, was excellent! Michelle Johnson was very good on vocals, Christy C danced with abandonment as she sang back up and tambourined and the bass player, Steve Allison, and the drummer, Jimi, added the intensity to bring the house up off their seats. They ended their set with Black Sabbath's War Pigs and seeing as how we were in an 80's time machine, most everyone there sang along (and after 4 Cape Cods I did, too).
For someone who avoids public places like I do, even with all the leather pants in the place, I had so much fun. Getting to talk with Christy C afterwards, meeting her wonderful boyfriend, made my night complete. Except for my daughter, she's the most beautiful person I know, inside and out.

When we walked out the door to go home, this "thing" was the first thing we saw. Creepy, yet kind of cool at the same time:
RIP Dime-Bag... your legend of being such a nice guy and your music live on to this day...

The Single Life

Since my son decided to go live with his dad and my daughter first left me to go to college, both within months of each other, I've experienced every kind of feeling from, "I'M FREE, I'M FREE!!", to, "Okay, I'm bored now... where are my grandkids?" I started having babies when I was just 17 years old, and having babies around is pretty much all I've known my whole life. They were what I lived and breathed on a daily basis. But in the last couple of years since my babies have been gone from the nest, they both have blossomed into adult contributing members of society. Isn't that what we groom our children to become?

My kid's dad and I have been divorced for most of their lives. My son was just 4 and my daughter was not yet two when the divorce was final. There have been hundreds of times over those years where I shipped them off to their dad's house for a day, a weekend, a summer visit or two. But they always came home and they were always still my babies. Once they hit high school, not only were there visits with their dad, but then there were band trips, and choir trips and lots and lots of sleepovers at someone else's house. It's like we spent our entire lives getting ready for the eventual separation into adult hood where they would leave... and call someplace else home.

The months leading up to our separation were very hard on me. Not only was I about to move from a house that I had lived in since I was 22, but I knew both of my kids would not be coming with me. I knew that my life was about to change drastically and everything I had once known, was going to become something I had never experienced before... mainly, living on my own for the first time in my entire life.

It was not what I expected, to say the least. When I first became a single person to be responsible for, I found myself cooking WAY too much food with no one to feed it to. When I was about to take a shower and needed something from the other room at the last minute, I'd wrap myself up in a robe or towel before exiting the bathroom to fetch my item. I planned my days so in case someone needed me, I would be around. Today I cook for one with rarely any leftovers. I have forgotten that my bathroom even has a door. I walk around nekkid and prance around like a nudist on the beach. I have developed my own routine that includes no one, on most occasions.

My son came over the other night and although he will always be my son, he was now "visiting" me. He's this grown man (although he still is my little 5 year old) that has his own problems that will never include me, worries outside of me with friends and a life that I hear about, but don't get to see on a daily basis. He has a full time job, a car payment and credit card bills. He has become a contributing member of society. My daughter is not my little girl any more. She has her own life, her own routines, and although I see her more than I see my son, she has a life outside of her mama now with her own worries and her own bills. She, also, has become an adult.

So yesterday, me and the girl ran errands together. We went to the store, we had lunch, we dug through boxes... more than once. We kind of did things like we used to do and when she said something about going home, it was my home that she was referring to. I told her things over lunch that I would never have told her had she been younger. I talked to her more like a best friend then a daughter. And even though that's kind of sad in a small way, it was then that I realized how much she has grown up over the last two years.

There was also a point yesterday, exhausted from talking to someone so much, exhausted from running around, feeling like old times again, when I realized what kind of a mom I must have been. Running from soccer games, to band practices, from cheer-leading to choir concerts... I think we all get so caught up in the day to day things that we do with our kids, that time passes us by without so much as a glance back until that day comes when everything just stops. After yesterday's adventures, I honestly have no idea how I did it with two kids.

I colored my hair yesterday for the first time this year. I actually like it. A LOT. I didn't recognize myself... I looked younger. My eyes stood out more with the dark hair and I hadn't realized how much gray hair kind of makes the whole face fade out. My daughter gave me a nice, "I told you so". And she had every right to. The old fart with gray hair pretty much isn't as old as she thought. Plus she has a children in the house again! Now I have to figure out how to go from cooking for one to cooking for the said children who will awaken with the light of morning wanting breakfast. And I doubt diet muffins, sugar free ice cream and frozen Lean Cuisines are going to cut it for her.

Tonight I will put on make-up, style my non gray hair, put on clothes for a reason other then going to work or working in the yard and have a good time with friends and family. My daughter says I have to wear eye shadow. I have forgotten what eye shadow is...

An actual conversation yesterday:
Me: This is what I'm going to wear tomorrow night.
K: You're wearing THAT?!
Me: But I LIKE that shirt.
K: I KNOW... thank goodness I'm here to help you.

Just Dump My Body Over There

I didn't mind the hour long drive up there or the hour long drive back. I totally enjoyed the conversation AND the guacamole. We laughed, we talked, we packed. We even made a short drive to dumpster dive for some boxes. I had a really good time up until we had to start moving crap. In fact... I think all three of us girls would feel the same way. And trying to fit a bunch of stuff into economy sized cars is, we all agreed, insane. At one point during the moving part of the move, K and B (B, who is family but not by blood or marriage, and who will be one of K's roommates in about a month)sat down at K's computer and reserved a U-Haul truck for their move back. We were all at a point of not caring how much anything cost at that point. This was from a 1st floor apartment. Their new apartment will be on the 3rd floor. I love my daughter SO much... but I'm going to be conveniently busy on THAT day. Because today when I woke up, it feels like I got hit by the moving truck we didn't have yesterday.

K had a few more things that just wouldn't fit in any of our cars that she'll be moving on her own today. Only one big item (her TV stand), but we got the majority of it moved and that TV stand has wheels and is not too heavy for her. She had to go back last night and finish cleaning and be out of there by 10am this morning. I know how I feel this morning and I'm sure she was up late last night so I can imagine how she will be feeling today.

PJ the cat, I learned yesterday, is quite the evil thing. He likes to play, but doesn't play well with others. He's very bitey and scratchy. I'm permanently scarred from being nice to him. I'm thinking he'll be spending a lot of time locked in his room this visit. He comes today. I can feel the gray hairs growing as I type this.

Now I must go and make nice the guest room (kitty jail) so my daughter will feel at home (so the evil thing can't escape) while she is staying here.

Move-In Day

I'm about to leave the house for a trip up north to help my daughter pack up her stuff and move back in with me. It promises to be a hot and tiring day, but at least I feel I'm physically able to help, whereas 6 months ago I don't think I'd have been much help at all. PJ (the male cat) who was once Zelda (the girl cat) will be moving in as well. If only my kitties new what was coming, they would probably bolt the door behind me and not let me back in. Somehow I have to convince them that it will only be for a few weeks. Should make for some interesting blogging material, though.

Going to go see a long lost friend sing at a bar/club on Saturday. My daughter is going and since she is such a good picture taker, she'll be in charge of the camera. Hopefully we'll get some good pictures of the great time I'm sure we'll have.

Oh, and because my daughter is moving back in for a few weeks, it's going to be mandatory that I color my hair. We are compromising and I will be using the kind that eventually washes out, but will stay in for the duration of her stay. In her eyes, I'm still too young for my hair to be looking so old.

And for those that are curious, my daughter is doing well. She's got many friends and lots of family who care for her and love her deeply. She's getting on with things that need doing and will be spending some much needed time doing some heavy re-thinking about things and life. Thank you all for your well wishes!

For The Ladies

Have you ever heard of "The Man Laws"? I have heard of it, but really never understood what the heck was meant by it, aside from what Google has revealed. I also thought it was just something guys said to be funny and that it didn't really exist. Ladies, listen up! There is such a thing. And it's scary. There are two definitions to Man Laws. One is in regards to how men act around each other. You know, not talking to another man when at a urinal, no hugging another guy if they are crying, and it is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. We've heard of these and laughed at them. But there is a second definition that we women don't know about.

I talked with two guys last night, whose names must be withheld because of their fear of getting their Man Law Card revoked. I was sworn to secrecy yet I didn't swear to not writing about what I learned. Silly, silly men.

I have worked in a male dominated work environment for all of my life. Before I started working on the law enforcement side of things, I worked in a machine shop. If you would have asked me yesterday if I knew what a man REALLY wants, I would have been confident in my answers. Today? Not so much. Today I am more confused as ever because everything I THOUGHT was to be right, I learned I was meant to believe those things because I don't have a penis. So hold onto your hats, ladies... because what I learned explains SO much.

1. If you are interested in a man, don't have sex with him too quickly. In fact, the longer you wait the more respect for you that man will have and the more likely it will become a permanent situation.
The reason: They think that if you fall into bed with them, then you are just as likely to fall into bed with anyone and that makes you not marriage material.
2. Once a sexual relationship has started (you know... after you are married and all) don't try to impress your man with crazy wild things that you have either learned about, or have practiced with others. (you know... your ex-husband and all)
The reason: Men are prideful creatures. They want to be the ones to teach you things and in the back of their minds they are wondering where you might have learned some of the stuff you are doing. Again, this makes you not marriage material. This item was debated between the two guys, though.
3. For a man to be truly happy he requires only three things. Food, sex, and sleep.
The reason: Men are stupid creatures (not my words!) and these are the only things they think about. Now there is a sub-category to this, though. It's called a hobby. If the man likes sports, then he will also incorporate sports into his daily thinkings. If he likes to fish, hunt or if he's a freaking stamp collector, these will be things he thinks about aside from sex, food, and sleep. Ever wonder why your man is cranky? He's either hungry, horny, or tired. Or he's pissed because he's out on the town with you and missing the game.
4. Men fall in lust THEN fall in love. And if you have a good man, he stays in love with you because he chooses to, not because his heart is telling him to. This is where women usually make their mistake. By believing he loves her the way she loves him, because he doesn't. Now you might say, "but my man brings me flowers and he cuddles with me and etc., etc."
The reason: Men do these things because he knows you will be grateful and will feed him, have sex with him and let him sleep.
5. If a man cheats on you he has either done it before and/or will do it again.
The reason: Sex... sex... hungry... sex... sleep... sex...
If he gets caught the first time and fesses up, he will be more careful next time and then not fess up. You may think he's sorry, but he is only sorry that he got caught. I had a hard time accepting this, but I was told it is because I am a woman and that I love differently and that if I had a penis I would understand. They made it a point to beat this cheating rule into my brain. The EXCEPTION to this rule is that if a guy gets screwed over by a girl. Then he knows how it feels to start out with then he is much less likely to cheat on you, but ONLY if you are not the next girl he dates and if you are, you have no hopes of this being a lasting relationship because he feels he has to have his revenge before he can move on.
6. Regardless if you are told differently, men are jealous creatures.
The reason: See rules 1 - 5 above.
7. Men are called dogs for a reason. They are simple minded, stupid and as long as their basic needs are met (see rule 3), then they are happy. (again, NOT my words)

I hope this clears up any confusion you might be having about men. These were words from two very happily married men. My response to the information? I will be single the rest of my life.

Dear Mr. R.

Dear Mr. R.,

My daughter called me last night in tears. Tears that you caused. My first instinct as a parent is to hunt you down and make sure you never hurt anyone again. I think most parents would understand what I'm feeling right now. The hardest part about being a parent is knowing that I have to step back and allow my daughter to be hurt by men like you and to not interfere. Oh, but how I want to.

Let me learn you a bit about life and how it works since obviously you were never taught this by anyone else. First of all, "I was drunk" is not a valid excuse. It's a pathetic attempt to lay blame on something other than yourself. Because you were drunk is something guys like you say... a lot, to cover up something you wanted to do anyway. Because you were drunk tells me I don't really want you around my daughter anymore. I pride myself on not being an interfering mother. But let me warn you now, this stops when someone hurts one of my children. You think a mama grizzly has a temper? You don't know temper, boy!

Second, to be blunt... Karma is a bitch. She may not visit you tomorrow, or next week... but she will come a knocking. Unfortunately, guys like you don't realize it when she's there, but gals like me do. Karma is for mother's like me who know what's in store for you which keeps mothers like me from knocking on your door and kicking you in the groin and punching you in the face. Karma will make you wish for that kicking and punching instead. Unless of course, the Dad finds you first.

Third... when you cheat on someone, you are blatantly telling the one you cheated on that you have ZERO respect for them as a person. You are telling them that you don't love them. You are telling them that they don't matter. It is the most selfish, despicable thing you can do to another person. It shows what a small man you really are. If things aren't going good in the relationship, you sit down with your significant other and you either find out why, or you break up with them. You don't go poking your stuff in someone else, lie about it (don't EVEN get me started on what it means to lie to someone) and then say you are sorry. It's inexcusable. Period.

Fourth... not only have you hurt my daughter, but you have hurt her entire family. The family that welcomed you into their homes. The family that hugged you when they saw you and loved you because you were a part of K's life. So not only have you lost a girlfriend that loved you, but you have lost an extended family as well. And if for some reason my daughter loses her senses and takes you back (which I will do everything in my power not to let happen) her family will never take you back. And you will never be able to compete with a family.

Sooner or later you will come to realize what you have lost. K is a beautiful person inside and out and you will be hard pressed to find someone who's spirit even comes close to hers. I hope her memory haunts you for the rest of your piece of crap life.

Now I have the job of cleaning up the mess you so easily discarded. Now I have to try and convince my daughter that all men are not like you, even though I am finding it harder and harder to believe that myself. She will one day see you for the trash that you are... unfortunately, she gets to hurt like hell until that day comes. If you have any sense at all, which I seriously doubt at this point, you will lie in the bed you have made and not contact her or any of her family, especially me. I will not be as kind in person as I have been here.

Good Riddance,
Mama Bear

Timeless

There's very few singers/bands that I feel can be labeled timeless. Simon and Garfunkel are at the top of MY list. Todays song is by them, continuing with our Garden State soundtrack theme. It may not be one of my favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs, but you can never go wrong with them, whatever they were singing. I should have more of their CDs and I'm surprised that I don't. Enjoy!

And on a more serious note... it's supposed to be 106 here today.

Let Me Reiterate

Because of certain emails I have received, let me go over some of what I posted about yesterday, so as to hopefully be more clear on what I was trying to convey.

1. Not everyone will fail at losing weight if they get surgery.
2. With every success story about surgery, there are that many failed stories.
3. Minus the multitude of complications from weight loss surgery, if you do fail at losing weight after surgery, there are underlying problems that go far deeper then a love of Ranch dressing.
4. If you are right with yourself, you mind, your soul, your life, losing weight CAN be accomplished without surgery.
5. Love yourself, and everything, not only losing weight, will fall into place.
6. Foods that are being marketed as healthy, are surprisingly not.
7. Learn, learn, learn and then learn some more about what different foods do to your body.

I am, by far, no expert in any diet program or an expert on weight loss surgery. I am only one person who has learned the hard way how NOT to eat. My words were not directed at any one person but to anyone who may think that it is impossible for them to lose weight. The opinions expressed in my blog are my opinions alone, based on my life experiences, knowledge I have gained from various places, and being over weight for most of my adult life. What you as a reader choose to do with your body is your choice. Whether you choose to agree with me or not will not eliminate the fact that what I am doing is working for me and has worked for others like me.

Aside from actual medical problems and medications that can cause a body to become obese, even on a strict diet, I believe that becoming and being over weight are a direct result from a lack of knowledge about foods and a lack of caring about one's self. I see this as blatantly obvious now, yet it took me 40 years to figure it out.

You can agree with me or not agree with me. Like everything in life, you are blessed with the free will to choose either way. I only ask that you do not insult me by thinking I do not support my friends, whatever they choose to do with their life. No, I may not agree with their choices, but I will ALWAYS support them.

And you will never, under any circumstances ever hear me utter the words, "I told you so." Life is a journey of knowledge. What may take some 20 years to learn others will learn in 5 or 60 years... and sometimes not at all. I'm not here to judge anyone's decisions. I can only judge my own and I keep myself pretty busy doing that on a daily basis.

Love. Knowledge. Choice.

August Update

Welcome to August reader(s)! The numeros on the scale announced this morning that since I have started this journey of mine, I have lost 50.5 pounds. Although I was hoping for a higher number this month, I will take that 50.5 pounds and savor it. This is some of the reasons why:
1. I feel FANTASTIC! I've gone from always feeling like crap and noticing the "good" days, to feeling wonderful and noticing the one or two "bad" days.
2. I have so much more energy and am actually getting things done with ease.
3. I'm sleeping better. (probably still snore, but my cats won't say)
4. I feel younger.
5. I feel FANTASTIC!

And did I mention how good I feel? Okay, here's the list of not so good stuff:
1. Oh, wait... there aren't any.

Yesterday I accomplished something I thought would never happen. I started a new leg of my journey that will hopefully up the total for next month. I actually went outside and walked... and walked... and walked. All the way up my street (it's pretty long, for me anyway. I'm going to measure the distance with my car later) and back. And although I was sweaty and smelly, the one thing that DIDN'T happen was the pain in my lower back that I have been having just walking to and from my car. There was not even a twinge. Needless to say, I was all smiley and giggley for most of the day yesterday. Today I slept late, so I haven't walked yet. I will be out the door the minute I'm done with this post, though.

I've learned a lot over the course of this year about foods, what they do to your body, why this country is in such a state of unhealthiness. I've watched documentaries, I'm currently reading a book recommended by my Mom and Dad called Sugar Busters and I feel I will be learning the rest of my life.

I've tried to share my knowledge of what I've learned to a few of my friends also struggling with losing weight, but I don't want to become this health nut freak that goes and tells everyone that what they are doing is wrong. So I say what I can, I tell them what I've been doing and I sit back and watch them make mistakes knowing that I was, at one time, turning a deaf ear as well. My advice to them, and to others is as follows:

First of all, and most importantly, you HAVE to start upstairs. In da brain area. It's not so much the "wanting" to lose weight mind frame you need, although that is a part of it, it's the "caring about you" that needs to come first. If you don't have that, anything and everything you do will fail completely. This was the hardest part for me and I truly believe it's the hardest part for everyone.

Secondly, and I'm sure I'll piss some people off with this one, I'll touch on surgery. Lap-band, bypass, whatever. If you don't change your eating habits now, then you are wasting money, going through a whole lot of pain and recovery, for nothing. It's not a magic cure, folks! Sure, you'll lose some weight from basic starvation, but you're going to feel like crap. I've starved myself before. I know how I felt and it wasn't good. I know people who have had surgery and the results years later are sad, to say the least. They lost a lot of weight at first, but after they started feeling better they went right back to eating as they always did and have not lost what they wanted/needed or/and gained it back (EVEN WITH THE SURGERY) and still feel like crap to this day. Sure, you may be thinking that you are different... but you're not. And you will see what I mean a few years down the road. My advice to any who are considering this, learn about the foods you are putting in your mouth. Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge. If you know that ice cream is bad for you, yet you eat it still, then you need to go back to the paragraph up there about caring about yourself and find out WHY you are still putting it in your mouth. Because frankly, if you cared about yourself, you wouldn't WANT to poison yourself. And in the end, once you care enough about you to eat right, there is no NEED for surgery.

Knowledge is power, readers. We live in a world where knowledge is at our fingertips. Just a few clicks on the keyboard and all the information is readily available. Don't go on a diet! Change your eating lifestyle. Change the way you think of yourself. Love yourself, first and foremost! I write this, because I've lived without really caring about me for the past 20 years or so. Learn what the foods you are eating are doing to your body... even the ones we think are healthy. Go for the scientific side of learning about foods. It will shock you as much as it did me.

Love yourself people! Love who you are. Love the gift of life. Love any and all things you do, even if you think it's insignificant. Because what may be insignificance in your mind, might be affecting someone else's life in a such a positive way and you may not ever even know about it.

Now go out and eat a carrot stick or something.