Friday, June 13, 2008

A Letter To A Local Resident

Because I have no place to send this, and because some of you have been concerned since my last post:

Dear Resident of North Richland Hills,

First and foremost, I want you to know how sorry for you that I feel. Your lack of quality of life saddens me beyond words. How you must suffer inside when Spring comes and brings life into people's yards. I can only imagine what tortuous thoughts go through your head each time it rains.

I must apologize for something before I go on. A fact that I'm sure is brought to your attention every time you drive by my home. The house that I reside in is old. It is not one of these new and monstrous homes that NRH is currently building throughout this city. You know the ones I'm talking about, I'm sure. The ones that are replacing all the beautiful trees and fields that once made this city so beautiful. It will probably appall you to know that this house was built in 1940. You see, this was my grandmother's home. Her house sits atop this small hill and she owned all the land that more then likely is where your house is sitting now. And since I don't know you, I imagine I once fished where your bed now sits.

You will be happy to know that I sacrificed two weeks worth of gasoline for my vehicle to invest in a weed trimmer/edger to appease your over-sensitivity to my unruly yard. Driving down my street and seeing the other unruly yards, which were actually, in my opinion, even more unruly than mine, I can only assume you were a busy man/woman/idiot as you filed your complaints with Code Enforcement. What a day you must have had! I'm sure it's an exhausting job making other people's lives miserable. If you have a family, I imagine they probably don't come to visit often... if at all. Unfortunately, I don't have enough money now to buy an extra extension cord to edge the three feet of yard by my gravel (WHAT? NO CONCRETE???!!!)driveway. I will leave that for now, so you have something to complain about later. I'm very giving that way.

You will notice as you drive by this week that I have yet to mow. Although my plans were to mow this past Wednesday, the day the nice old code enforcement man visited me and my other neighbors, I'm choosing not to at this time. I figured if we ALL mowed our lawns, what in the world would you do with your day if you couldn't find someone's yard to criticize? I'm just considering your feelings, you know. Plus, if I were to have mowed on Wednesday, I'm sure by the time the nice old code enforcement guy came back to visit me, there would be a stray weed that would have grown over three inches and I would have to mow again, and frankly, in this time of extremely high gas prices, I just simply can't afford to mow as often as you seem to need.

You see... I don't make a lot of money. Sure, I could go out and get a high paying job that I hated and I could go and buy one of those fancy new houses that I can't really afford and that would contribute to the current foreclosure rate our country is experiencing. I could go and live beyond my means and rack up a fortune in credit card bills that would cause me to file for bankruptcy, just so my yard would compare to the Johnson's. And I would surly die an early death because of the stress of it all. But I choose to live within my means and I have no debt. Alas, I choose to work at a job that I love and sacrifice monetary things because I know to be happy where one works, makes a happy life indeed. So I'll continue to work at my low paying job, taking calls from people like you, Mr/Ms/Idiot. People who honestly, have nothing better to do with their time... with their life... then to call up their city and needlessly complain. And you know what? It's not just me that thinks your complaint was needless and petty. You know that nice old Code Enforcement gentleman that came to visit me because of your complaint? Well... when I asked him what exactly there was to complain about, you know what he told me? His exact words were, "I don't even know, really. Maybe those wispy things around the mailbox, or something."

And as a side note... if that was you I saw the other day, pulled into my private driveway, just sitting there... your best hope is to not do that any more. You see... I use to wave and smile at people as they drove or walked by. I've always been quite friendly that way. It never bothered me before that my driveway is often used as a turnaround point. But you stole that from me. And that, dear sir/madam/idiot, is something I am quite unforgiving about. For now, at least.

And as hard as it is for me to say, may you find peace in your heart someday.

4 comments:

XOXO said...

I wish I could find whoever did this and kick them in the balls...or female equivalent place...for making you upset.

I've been worried too since your last blog, but I figured you'd explain with time.

I think you're wonderful and your house and yard, from the pictures I've seen, are beautiful. The ignorant snob who felt otherwise can kiss my ass.

<3

Jerrine Absher said...

Uh...you have gravel? You mean like rocks? In your drive way? Well there is your problem right there. Those rocks are just future ammunition for some kid to throw at who knows what. Kids throw rocks you know. Your obviously part of the problem. We can't have unrestrained rocks around, things might, just might happen and then what would we do? Next thing you know there will be squirrels running around loose and all, maybe even rabbits. Then birds and wild, I say wild life. I shudder at the thought. Can you not see where a few wild flowers and rocks lead? They are called wild for a reason. This isn't the 1800's you know. We have to protect the public. Ever heard of allergies? Hmmmmmmmm? People suffer, I say suffer from inhaling wild life. Again the word wild is used for a reason. It's not just some convenient term you know. Then there is the wind blowing all that stuff around. You probably don't even hire illegal aliens to do your yard work either. Hey they have to make a living too you know. How dare you do a job that Americans just won't do. Trying to ruin it for the rest of us are you? There really ought to be a law about that so you could get in compliance. People have to walk and drive by seeing you out sweating, in public! I'm tempted to use the wild word to describe you. Your just a mess, an outright mess I tell you. You better, as Ken's lady friend says, start bringing home more money or stop spending it on frivolous stuff like cat cams and chicken & fruit. MMMMMMMMMMMM chicken & fruit.

La La said...

You are so funny, J. And you always make me laugh... no matter how low I get. Thank you for that. No wonder I keep you around... well... at least at arms length. ;-)

kryston said...

man, i only have one word for the person who dared to cross my mom and stumbles upon this letter :
OWNED.