Werk Stoof

Unlike many departments, our department does not require us to rotate shifts. The entire time I've worked there, minus training and minus that one month not too long ago I thought I wanted to work on day shift, I have worked midnights. The officers that work midnights, like working that shift. The ones that work during the day, also like their shift. So I rarely work with any of the daytime guys. I know them, okay. But not like I know MY officers.

So, yeah... it's been uber crazy at work. This past Friday was one of those nights where it was weird people, weird calls night. We get those from time to time. But Friday was unusually weird. There was a point in the night... probably around 0130 or so, where I had some reserve officers calling it a night. They come into dispatch to sign out on a sheet that keeps track of the time they put in. They were kind of standing around and we were all yapping and laughing and stuff and I heard the front door open. Actually, what I hear is it slamming shut and I turn around and look at the camera that monitors the lobby. There was this HUGE guy in our lobby and he was very obviously drunk. He barely made it to the lobby door (which is kept locked, only opened by someone from the other side, or by me flipping a switch and unlocking it) and he tried the door. Then he leaned in reeeeeal close to the buzzer (that buzzes in my office) and he pressed the button and when I pressed the intercom button to talk to him, I heard him mooooan into the speaker.

Have you ever seen Trading Places with Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy? There's this one part where it's Christmas time and Dan Akroyd is dressed in this really dirty Santa Claus suit and he's really drunk and he takes a swig off of his bottle and turns to Eddie Murphy and just kind of moans/grunts at him. This is what I thought of when I heard him mooooan into the speaker.

My dispatch office window faces the lobby on the other side of the door. I very rarely let anyone in. I'm there alone most of the time. The dispatch office is also closed off from the rest of the building by its own locked doors, so even if you come into the building, you can't get in unless I let you in. Well... this is how it is suppose to work. Unfortunately, because of all the computers in dispatch, that room heats up quickly when the doors are shut. We don't have our own thermostat, so most of the time year round, the doors are open. Anyway... before I even say anything to the guy, one of the reserve officers and the Sergeant were opening the front door to talk to him and I'm standing there with just a window and an unsecured door separating me from them. The officers push him out from in front of the door and the guy seems to be extremely unsteady on his feet and falls back a bit and the officers are able to get him up against one of the lobby walls and another reserve officer goes out with his taser pointed at the guy (the tasers have red laser lights attached for aim purposes and I could see the red light on the guy). Then the guy pushes himself off the wall and the officers are trying to get him through the door to head towards the jail area down the hall. They succeed in getting him through the door but instead of heading toward the jail area, the guys swerves to the left and is heading in the direction of my unsecured dispatch door.

I've been asked before if I ever had any interest in becoming a police officer. The answer is and will always be NO. I'm a big chicken when it comes to dealing with people face to face. I like the phone. I like my intercom system where I don't have to let people in. So what I'm sure you are able to surmise as this guy is heading toward my unsecured dispatch door is that I am totally freaking out at this point. I don't get to see live action. Ever. I hear about it a lot. But I never see it.

So I'm still standing there, watching as three police officers are unable to get this guy to stop coming towards my door, my mind tells me to go towards the door and shut it before the guy can get through, so I take a step in that direction... and when I do, the guy comes barreling through my unsecured dispatch door and he raises his arms and comes right towards me and yells RARRRRR!!!... and then I see all the officer's faces and they are all laughing and smiling and I realize the guy never even touched me and I look at the guy's face and it actually takes my mind about 10 seconds to process who he even is. I realize it is one of the officers I don't work with too often, dressed very convincingly not like himself at all. He gave me a hug and I am very aware of how thoroughly I have just been GOTTEN by these guys. Totally duped. A prank that actually outshines all the others I've either been a part of, or have had done to me. A stellar performance that seriously has made me giggle many times over the past day or so. Bravo, to my fellow co-workers. I am very thankful I didn't pee myself.